Taken from "The War Within You by Doug McIntosh"
"The price of doing wrong is higher than we know, for the difficult process for those of us who are Christians is keeping our hearts thirsty. We must want to know God. We must have a longing for Him. we must long to be close to Him and please Him. When we refuse to obey, we not only have the disobedience of the moment to deal with, but we also weaken our heart's motivation. We wound that precious desire, our hunger and thirst for God, in a small way - and that desire is the greatest possession any believer has. God has made us to be lovers at the deepest level of our being. His most common expression of disappointment in the Old Testament is His oft-repeated accusation that Israel was committing spiritual adultery by worshiping idols. He knew that Israel's spiritual success, as well as our own, begins when believers refuse to follow the siren song of other gods and cleave only to Him."
I have been reading this book when I am ahem ahem doing my morning business in the toilet (this is when I have to time to read undisturbed and un-distracted). I have found a nice small church to go in Kota Kemuning.... a warm church and I have been hanging out with the pastor and some of the members after church. I have been searching for a church to go to for many years and God's timing is perfect .. never too early or too late.
The truth is that the past few years, I have given my heart away to many distractions ... seeking to feel wanted and loved but in the end these had failed me and taken my heart for a ride .. promising words of love and faithfulness but in the end that very heart which spoke the words of love was the very one which broke my heart into a million pieces and shattered me. I had pushed God aside and sang my songs of love to other gods which in the end only seek to consume me for their own selfish needs ... when I was no longer wanted .. I was chucked aside like garbage. It was a humbling experience for me that in the end, only God remains. My frantic pursuit to be complete can only be found in God alone. God had never ceased to amaze me ... how He waited with arms opened wide ... longing for me to run back to Him..... He never got bored of me or gave me a cold shoulder and never made me feel that I am good for nothing... never. He had seen all of me and still wanted me.
I now know that the ties had to be severed in order to open my eyes to what I was putting myself through and for the healing to begin. I had prayed that God will remove anything which come in the way between God and me and it was a painful process but much needed before I was in too deep. And what I read in the book made me realized that my hunger, desire and passion to long for God was channeled wrongly.... I did not know that I had drifted so far away from God. Now I realized my folly to give my heart away to other gods instead of God, the Lover of my soul. I am on the path to healing ... I will never be the same again ... the wound had been inflicted too deep and scars will remain but my eyes are set on God alone now. May my desire and hunger be for God alone. Amen