Thursday, 24 November 2011

What doesn't kill you .... Kelly Clarkson






What doesn't kill you sung by Kelly Clarkson...

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in colour
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
But told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You tried to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not a broken hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone


Kelly Clarkson just released her latest album - Stronger ... the songs show that she is back and she is gonna rock it !!! This song is on repeat and I really like the lyrics.... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger !!! Come what may .. I will pick myself up and keep moving on and be stronger from all the experiences in my life ... and it doesn't mean that I am lonely when I am alone.

Monday, 17 October 2011

Soon I will be 40 ......

I will be hitting 40 end of this month .... a lot physiological changes in my body ... I need reading glasses now ... started to have joint pains ... I can finally identify with my parents ... I learned to be more patient and slow down a bit. My driving is in a more "zen" like state now since I bought my Honda Insight a couple of months back.... I learned to give in a bit more when people cut in the "q" ... at least now I am paying less for petrol ... now it amounts to 9 cents per kilometer... roughly about 20-21 km /L of RON 95 petrol. And I bought a white car which taught me ... to stop focusing on the stone chips from the highway or the tiny black spots when I inspect my car closely ... but when I look from far ... I realized that it is still a brilliant white car.... hence I learned to look more at the goodness of others instead of concentrating on the negative aspects.

And more and more I am reminded that life is short .. just recently ... one of my specialist was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. And today one of my friend's brother in law was suffered a stroke with intra cranial bleed ... scheduled for a craniotomy. Recently been getting chest pains again .... and it always reminds me how fragile life is .... and Steve Jobs died !!!!! So now I remind myself to live life to the fullness with no regrets.

So I guess I will be back to update my blog once a while.... so come walk this journey with me. Cheers!

Monday, 11 April 2011

Life is short

It saddens my heart that one of my favorite anaesthetic specialist who is also a good friend, Dr Maslina passed away today after being diagnosed with choriocarcinoma after one month. She was about my age and leaves behind a 2 year child and her husband. Life is like that full of surprises ..some good ... some bad.....it is a wake up call for me ... I make plans for 5 years .. 10 years .... but I cannot predict the future .. I might not be around tomorrow. I need to spend more time with my loved ones and dear friends and start living life with no regrets....break free from the protective defenses that I have built up by being a hermit... and just love ... live .... like there is no tomorrow.

I think it is time I change my 10 year old car and start traveling next year to see the world because time waits for no man. And life is precious and worth living. I must learn to treasure every second that God has given me.

Thursday, 31 March 2011

A long overdue post before I take a break.....

Before I finally take my break from this blog .... I want to put up this post as it has been long overdue. Last year in November 2010, I had the privilege of helping out as a medical classifier for the Malaysian National Paralympics.

Sometimes we go thinking we can help them out but in the end they were the ones who helped us out ... with regards to how we see live. That was what happened ... these guys taught me how precious life was and that we need to treasure what we have .... we don't know how good we have it until we lost it. Some of these guys had lost their limbs due to accidents, some congenital, some negligence .... but all of these guys did not allow their handicap to cripple them from living life to the fullest. I for one.... was always looking for something to fill me up ... something to live for .... and these guys taught and made me realized how blessed I was. So in the end they were the ones who picked me up and help me and encouraged me to keep moving on in this journey called LIFE.

Just to share some photos ... I have a lot more ... but will only have time to do so in June... will be busy these next 2 months preparing for my exams.... I hope my last exams... coz my grey cells are dying real fast and my aging heart cannot take anymore stress ... and the sleepless night are bringing more wrinkles to my face :P

So once again .. I bid you guys good bye... and those who I do have contacts in Facebook or who have contacted me via emails etc ... Godwilling .. one day we will meet up and fellowship.

Take care.











Thursday, 24 March 2011

It is time to say good bye for now


Thanks for reading my blog.... but for now ... I think it is time to say good bye....until I am ready to share my life again. A lot of things had happened in my life .... I am glad that I finally found a wonderful church to go to now.... at least there is fellowship. Maybe one day I will be back or maybe this will be just a memory in my life.

No matter what happens ... I wish you guys all the best and life is meant to be lived to the fullest because it is so fragile and short. Most important never forget to love yourself ... coz if you don't love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else.

So I bid you all good bye.

Monday, 7 March 2011

Worthy - Sandi Patty


What a lovely song from Sandi Patty. It is amazing how God sees me ..with all the self hatred & low self esteem & the feeling that I am not worthy & that I am never good enough..with all the labels that I slap upon myself...He tells me that I am worthy & how He adores me. I am once again smitten by Him and reminded of His unconditional love for me. Yes I am worthy.... I am lovely in His eyes.

Friday, 25 February 2011

A Willing Heart


WILLING HEART

Words & Music By Kelly Willard
Copyright 1980/willing Heart Music

Once I Stumbled In The Darkness, Doing Only As I Pleased
But I Wasn't Really Happy, And My Heart Was Not At Ease
I Just Didn't Have The Willingness To Follow His Commands
'til I Layed My Heart Completely In His Hands

[chorus]
If You Don't Have A Willing Heart, Ask Him To Give You One
If You Can't Seem To Make A Start, Trust In His Power
For The Lord Of Love Is Watching You
He Sees What You're Going Through
And He Can Make A Way, If You Want Him To
Oh, Do You Want Him To?
Then, Tell Him So

All The Things My Heart Held Onto Only Filled Me With Despair
And The Road That I Was Traveling Never Took Me Anywhere
And I Knew No Satisfaction 'til I Found My Rest In Him
Then He Filled My Heart With Gladness Once Again

[repeat Chorus]


Kelly Willard has always encouraged and ministered to me with her angelic voice and meaningful lyrics. Her songs still give me goose bumps and this is one of the songs. I can't find her CDs here and I have just ordered a couple of CDs from her website . Eagerly awaiting for the CDs to arrive. She was one of the few Christian singers who encouraged during my early life as a Christian back in 1990s. Others were Steve Green, Sandi Patty, Scott Wesley Brown, David Meece ... just to mention a few. .... you can imagine what era I was in. :P

It helps to go back to square one and back to first love when we lost sight of Jesus ... when life overwhelms .... it helps to run back to Jesus. Many times, life does not turn out the way we want to.... I had to learn the hard way... that no matter what happens..my life is in His hands. And doing what I please did not really bring happiness or fulfillment...... true happiness and fulfillment only came when I willingly laid down my heart completely in His hands. And the things I held on to so tightly which I thought gave me my sense of identity and meaning in life only caused me despair until I find my rest in Him alone. Learning to let go was the only way.... but when I learned to let go .. He gave me back so much in return.

Dear Lord.... give me a willing heart.... a heart that yearns and burns for You alone. A heart that runs after You with an unquenchable passion until I see You face to face one day. Amen

Friday, 21 January 2011

The desire to know God

Taken from "The War Within You by Doug McIntosh"

"The price of doing wrong is higher than we know, for the difficult process for those of us who are Christians is keeping our hearts thirsty. We must want to know God. We must have a longing for Him. we must long to be close to Him and please Him. When we refuse to obey, we not only have the disobedience of the moment to deal with, but we also weaken our heart's motivation. We wound that precious desire, our hunger and thirst for God, in a small way - and that desire is the greatest possession any believer has. God has made us to be lovers at the deepest level of our being. His most common expression of disappointment in the Old Testament is His oft-repeated accusation that Israel was committing spiritual adultery by worshiping idols. He knew that Israel's spiritual success, as well as our own, begins when believers refuse to follow the siren song of other gods and cleave only to Him."


I have been reading this book when I am ahem ahem doing my morning business in the toilet (this is when I have to time to read undisturbed and un-distracted). I have found a nice small church to go in Kota Kemuning.... a warm church and I have been hanging out with the pastor and some of the members after church. I have been searching for a church to go to for many years and God's timing is perfect .. never too early or too late.

The truth is that the past few years, I have given my heart away to many distractions ... seeking to feel wanted and loved but in the end these had failed me and taken my heart for a ride .. promising words of love and faithfulness but in the end that very heart which spoke the words of love was the very one which broke my heart into a million pieces and shattered me. I had pushed God aside and sang my songs of love to other gods which in the end only seek to consume me for their own selfish needs ... when I was no longer wanted .. I was chucked aside like garbage. It was a humbling experience for me that in the end, only God remains. My frantic pursuit to be complete can only be found in God alone. God had never ceased to amaze me ... how He waited with arms opened wide ... longing for me to run back to Him..... He never got bored of me or gave me a cold shoulder and never made me feel that I am good for nothing... never. He had seen all of me and still wanted me.

I now know that the ties had to be severed in order to open my eyes to what I was putting myself through and for the healing to begin. I had prayed that God will remove anything which come in the way between God and me and it was a painful process but much needed before I was in too deep. And what I read in the book made me realized that my hunger, desire and passion to long for God was channeled wrongly.... I did not know that I had drifted so far away from God. Now I realized my folly to give my heart away to other gods instead of God, the Lover of my soul. I am on the path to healing ... I will never be the same again ... the wound had been inflicted too deep and scars will remain but my eyes are set on God alone now. May my desire and hunger be for God alone. Amen

Monday, 10 January 2011

Free - by MercyMe



Free - by MercyMe

I look around, inside these four walls
And I can see this is not my home
Can you hear it now, from inside these stone walls?
My heart cries out, I'm not where I belong

No matter what they do
My heart belongs to you
I'm free
Oh the hands that hold the world have set me free
He has broken every chain
So I lift my hands up to the One who saves

Take me captive, you can lock me away
But my debt is already payed
Take me prisoner, but I will not fear
'Cause my deliverer is already here

No matter what they do
My heart belongs to you
I'm free
Oh the hands that hold the world have set me free

He has broken every chain
So I lift my hands up to the One who saves

This world can have its way
Nothing can stop Your glory
What may become of me
I'll over come

Because I'm free
Oh the hands that hold the world have set me free
He has broken every chain
So I lift my hands up to the One who saves
And I lift my hands up to the One who saves

And I am free
Oh these chains won't hold me
And I am free




This song by MercyMe had been ministering to me while I drive to work. I am reminded that God had set me free and the chains that used to bound me before He came into my life are broken. The past has no hold over me. I am amazed at God's timing ..... He came into my life when I needed Him the most.

Sunday, 2 January 2011

Promises


Promises ..... such an easy word to say. We make all sorts of promises to others .... sometimes just to get what we want .. and how often do we keep our promises.... do we still remember our promises. I promise that I will love you. I promise that I will remain by your side. I promise that we will be together forever. I promise ... I promise ....... promises are just empty words spoken if not followed through.

I was amazed at the fact that God still kept His promise after 42 generations as stated in the bible with the birth of Jesus to save mankind. Wow if one generation lasts for a hundred years, imagine 42 generations will be 4200 years and God waited patiently until it was the right time to bring His promise to pass. I have not seen anyone keep a promise that long and God's faithfulness and love never cease to amaze me.