Monday, 16 March 2009
Little did I know
I have always shared about how I have built strong walls around my heart and that I have guarded them fiercely so that I will won't get hurt again ...... it was a protective mechanism perfected over the years .... I seldom let my guard down. Little did I know that the walls that I thought would protect me from others .... actually stopped God from reaching deep down. The walls that I thought were meant to keep me safe actually kept the One True Lover of My Soul at arm's length as well. It was also isolating me from God.
The revelation came recently... and it started as a prayer and surrendering when God cornered me while I was on a mission trip to India last year in November. I told Him to take all of me ... leave nothing behind. It really broke my heart that I was actually shielding myself from the One Who I love .. Jesus Who died for me on the Cross. Slowly and painfully the walls are coming down .. stone by stone .. He is gently doing the surgery on my heart .... to turn a heart of stone into flesh again .... to love again ... to hurt again ...to trust again ....... I am scared .... afraid of what is instored for me if I let my guard down but His loving voice keeps wooing and reaassuring me ....His Words of Love fills me until I cant contain it any longer .... He is filling me to the brim and overflowing ...... His gentle and strong hands remove each stone perfectly at the right time so that the whole wall wont crumple at once but in stages so that it will not be so painful and scary for me. But the walls must come down .'.. and it will be painful ... venturing into unchartered waters.... He loves me too much to let me remain this way. What can I do but to surrender to Him .... I abandon myself to Him ... trusting Him to shield me ... no longer will I defend myself or build walls in my own strength but He alone will be my Shield and Defender. Amen..