This life is full of surprises ... my life is full of surprises ... failed dreams .. dashed hopes ... failed relationships .... but yet there is an anchor in the midst of storms. When things do turn out the way I want them to .... I want to blame someone or something or myself ... God always get the brunt of things.... coz He is the first person I will run to .. to pour out my heart ... He alone see the silent lonely tears. He alone see the longing in my heart. He alone sees the brokenness in me. He alone sees the real ME under all the brave front that I put in front of everyone. If not for Him I would have fallen apart with all the surprises that life brings into my life.
I believe there should be a balance in life .. in everything we do.... we need to know pain in order to appreciate relief/joy, sadness in order to appreciate happiness .... all these adds up to what we call life. I always remember a sermon which spoke about baking a chocolate cake. There are so many ingredients which all taste differently but they come together when well mixed and baked ... we get a yummy chocolate cake. Flour by itself will take yucky, sugar too sweet, raw egg erm gooey, chocolate powder bitter etc ... but when all these ingredients are mixed together we get a chocolate cake. That is how life is made up .. there will be bitterness, sweet times .... ups and downs and these all make our lives colourful.
Somehow there are times circumstances will get me really down but I am out of the game yet because God is always there to hold me close .. to give me strength till I am strong enough to walk again.
Since I have started to make a commitment to give my tithes, many things had happened in my life which are trials which try to shake my faith in God. I must say that it was not easy, there were times I wanted to give up and just give in. But some how there is a still small voice which keeps telling me ..." Test Me and see ... I do not change for I am the same,today and forever. Test me and see My child." and that is what keeps me going.
I might be reaching a crossroad soon in my life. I might be transferred to another department .. a new environment again. Should I welcome it with fear or delight ? Only time can tell. I rest in the assurance that my life is in His hands and He will always have the best intention for me. Amen