Monday, 28 July 2008

Finally got off my butt.....

Finally got off my butt and went to CRC (Clinical Research Centre) to look for a job opening and found out that there are vacancies for me .... and there are also opportunities for me to progress further in my career.

I plan to meet up later with a friend who is working with IMR .... hopefully I will be able to get a transfer soon and move on with my life....

It is time to move on with my life.

Sunday, 27 July 2008

Heart of Stone

** Picture taken in Ho Chi Minh City Botanical Gardens in District 1 just opposite Chancery Hotel.

Just managed to catch a breather from my hectic call .... been working non stop as one of my colleagues had to take an emergency leave. So I was running in and out of OT and going to wards to review my patients for the Acute Pain Service ... surprisingly in spite of me running around with fever, blocked nose and headache ... I was able to keep my composure and did not blow my top when my pager rang or when I had to walk from one of the hospital to another ( surprisingly I am still able to maintain my current weight and not lose an inch )

Today while reviewing one of my patients in the ward ..... I was reminded how easy it was to make my heart cold and hard as stone. She was suffering from a skin condition called pemphigus .... and she required high doses pain killer which she controls herself and on occasions when the pain relief was not adequate I would have to come and give an extra intravenous dose of opiods to relieve the pain. When I walked into the ward ... she was already screaming in pain .... praying to God to take away the pain ..... and I was just walked in and told her calmly to press the machine and that I will give her the extra doses if required. Suddenly a still small voice spoke me ..... "Son soften your heart ... hear their cries" ..... it was a shock to me ... how I have managed to insulate and isolate myself from the patient .... and there and then I uttered a prayer to God to keep my heart open and soft before Him and to the people around me. It was easy to keep a distance from the patients who are the chronic pain patients...we see them everyday ..... maybe it was a protective mechanism to protect myself from feeling too much or getting too close.

Maybe it is time to change to a new work environment where I start anew and plan out my life ... a place where it is normal working hours and is not so hectic...... takes me days to recover from my post call. And age is really catching up.

Sorry for the lack of updates .... been doing a lot of soul searching and don't wanna keep sharing stuffs which are depressing.... but hopefully through it all... you can see a person who hangs on to God for dear life .... where I am nothing and nobody apart from God.

Friday, 18 July 2008

Huh? You read my blog ?

Huh? You read my blog ?

I still get surprised when people walk up to me and ask me why I have not updated my blog.... they actually read my blog. I mean I am not as popular as kennysia or the others who gets thousands of visitors ... I get about 20-30 visitors. Mostly friends who are wanted to be updated on what is happening in my life. I started the blog as an extension of myself ... a way to share my experiences and also to vent my frustrations and to reach and also to sing praises of God Who is the lover of my soul.

Lately I have been struggling with a few issues in my life....hence the silence .... there are some things best kept to oneself .... because I dont know all who are reading my blog ... there are silent readers, those who leave comments and there are those who had taken the trouble to contact me and got to know me ... some became great friends.

Yes I am still surprised that people actually wanna read my blog. Some even told me that they had been stalking my blog silently since I started the blog. Thanks for the support and prayers uttered for me when I went through my ups and downs in life.

Hmmm I still have lots to share .... tons of pictures to put up ... but somehow there is a void in me now.... I had lost my sense of direction ..... still groping in the dark ..... hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Did not know that the past had such a strong hold over me. But I am learning to be still .... to be silent .... to rest .... to let go .... someday I will be free ..... I will overcome and do the things that are in my heart. Someday I will be excited again about the things I do .... that I will be passionate again ... now nothing excites me....

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Vietnam : Faces Part 1

Just wanted to share some pictures of the warm and friendly people of Vietnam. Will post up more later.

Sandwiched between mom and dad.
Taken at the Handicraft Factory :)

I am on call today .... will post more later :)

Sunday, 6 July 2008

A sms from sis

Received a sms from my sister a few days back and it keeps echoing in my mind ....

"All I want from you for my birthday is that you will take care of yourself and be in good health.."

The past few years of abuse and negligence had taken their toil on my health....... and this year I had not been feeling well for a long time now. Been feeling giddy. Having palpitations on and off with a resting heart rate of about 100 beats per minute. Been forcing myself to use the treadmill "religiously". I will keep at it and hopefully the symptoms will go away and that I will feel much better and stronger in days to come... and finally I can give my sis her birthday present ... and a new lease of life for myself.