A new old friend

What is dibucaine number ?? What is Monroe Kelley doctrine ? ?  Duh ... well need a break from stuffing my brain with so much facts which I will forget tomorrow ..... anyway my boat is still floating .... and I hope to stay afloat until Nov 20th and then FREEDOM !!!!!

Anyway I sold off my ipaq and now I am back to my new old friend .. Treo 680. Previously I was using a Treo 650.  I must say it is great to be back to using the Palm OS .... I hardly need to reset the Treo until my itchy fingers go and install all sorts of programs.  There is a deal going on for RM 1688 ....with free bluetooth headset, 1 gig SD card, Screen protector, extra battery and car charger. :)

Well to tell you the truth ... today is my birthday and I have been thinking about how far I have come .... and yesterday was the day I accepted Christ many years ago... in 1988.  

Going for the final attempt for my primary exams in my masters is kinda liberating.  And the things happening to me, my health and my family ... made me rethink my priorities.  I had neglected my health for so many years and now the body is retaliating with ailments and pain....to finally get my attention and the final wake up call to do something and take control of my health before I reach the point of no return.  Realizing that life is short and unpredictable made me rethink about what I want to achieve in life ... about my masters .... about everything .... and suddenly I see what is really important in my life.   Thanks alot for the prayers because I can feel God holding me close and the peace that is guarding my heart and mind can only come from God.  So I am not afraid to embrace what lies ahead of me ... be it my own doing or whatever .... I know that He holds me close and His grace is sufficient for me

My Grace is sufficient for you

2 Corinthians 12 : 9 - 10

9 But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

10 So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).

These 2 verses just kinda popped out at me as I was studying in the library this morning  ( I wrote down these 2 verses in the book of the difficult topics - Pharmacodynamics/Pharmacokinetics).  So many thoughts going through my mind ..... trying to recall and not able to remember .... and it just goes downhill.. with the ongoing never ending migraine.... Sometimes a lot of energy is wasted to just keep my spirit and motivation up and to remain positive.  And these 2 verses just kinda popped up at me .... I felt Him hugging me ... telling me " It is ok My Son.... My grace is sufficient and I am strong when you feel so weak.   You don't have to prove anything to anyone.  Draw strength from Me.  Stop looking at things through you own eyes.  Look to Me."  

In the end, deep down I know that whatever happens, whatever the results, whatever people will think, I know it will be ok because He holds me close.  Amen.

Gonna take a short break now

Hi guys .... with exams just another 3 weeks away ... I am gonna take a short break from blogging to concentrate on my studies.  Do continue to keep me in prayers.

Take care and God bless.

Callanetics

Finally back to something which I used to do many years ago.... I first came across Callanetics in the 1990s.   I bought my first book at Times Bookstore.  It was something new that time .... no impact toning exercises.  Actually I was looking for an exercise to help out with my back pain.  I was having back pain due to all the running I used to when I was a teenager.   And Callanetics helped to relief the pain ... help me to tone up and stretch.   

So I am going back to my roots .... taking small steps to regain my health.  I will not give in so easily.  So it is back to Callanetics to tone up .... to increase my flexibility and eventually back to the gym  ... slow and steady.   

At first I was in denial ... in shock ... but I have decided to fight back.  I will not give in so easily without a fight.  After my exams it is back to regaining my health regardless of what happens.

Health or exams .... hmmmm

The headaches are becoming my "best friends" ... not leaving me one second.  They are with me when I get up in the morning, throughout the day and when I go to sleep.  

Panadol or ponstan is not helping.  I can't concentrate on my studies.  At this rate .... I might as well call it quits before I stroke out or have a bleed in my brain.  Tried massage .... mint oil ..etc.  Been praying for relief.  But my "best friend" lingers on ..... 

So in the end is it worth it .... health or .... 

Dinner with TZ

Was not feeling too yesterday...sister was busy with her wedding preparations and her new house which she will be moving in after she gets married in Nov.   TZ gave me a call asking me out for dinner as he will be working out at Summit.  I am glad that at least I had made some good friends from my blog ..... so he came to pick me up for dinner after his workout ... as I did not have a great appetite .... we decided to have chicken porridge at Uncle Lim's.

We talked about a lot of things ..... 



After dinner, TZ wanted to get some fruits and cereals from Cold Storage ... so we head over there ..... I bought some milo 3 in 1 packets ... wanted to look for the Wasabi flavored potato chips and I got a deadly stare from TZ .... well in the end I just ended up with the low sugar low fat milo 3 in 1 packet.

On the way back... I was just thanking God for bringing people into my life at the right time..... I learned to accept that nothing remains the same forever and I treasure the friends that He had given me ... some stayed ... some had gone .... and life goes on.

Exercise, brunch and books

Still zonked out from my post call yesterday.  I am off today .... plan to get alot of studying done.  Getting used to the headache which always lingering around .... not relieved by Panadol nowadays ... need to find another source of relief.  

Anyway exams are just 3 weeks away .... I can't stop now ... must keep going on.  

Woke up... cycled for 15 mins burned 165 calories ... sweat like crazy .. heart rate range 140 -160 beats per minute.   Will try to increase the time and do this consistently.

Gonna go out for brunch now and plant myself somewhere to do some intensive brain frying session.

Have a great day.

Raging Storms ..... but He holds me close

I am on call today .... the headaches have not stopped .... been battling it everyday .... prayed, popped in panadol and ponstan, slept, rested, more prayers ..... it is affecting my studies ...... blood pressure on the high-ish side ... future uncertain .... all sorts of thoughts and emotions go through my mind.... having occasional sleepless nights and left sided chest pains ...but I keep going on .... the storm is raging all around me .... but I can walk with a smile on my face because I know that He holds me close. I am not alone. My life is in His hands. Amen

Me of little faith

Romans 8:28 NASB

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Me of little faith ...... so many things had clouded my vision ... making me forget that God is in control. That ALL things do work for good to those who love Him....

God never ceases to amaze me again and again .... remember I mentioned earlier that I might not make it for my sister's wedding as I will be having my exams.  God planned it in such a way that I will finish my exams a day earlier .... I will be in the first 2 batches to go for the viva (oral ) session ... so I finish a day earlier and I will be able to attend my sister's wedding.  When I saw my exam schedule ... all I could do was praise God and asked Him for forgiveness for doubting that He will always give me the best.  Only God could had made it happen.   Praise God !!! It also gave me a second wind to go all out for this exams ... to make it count.  God is good all the time :)

Mother knows best ...

I am sorry for the lack of updates .... been exhausted after after frying my brain at the library and the viva sessions. There are still alot of things to read and remember ..... sometimes I cant remember what I studied last week ... well I will just keep on going. Headaches not getting relieved by Panadol anymore .... Blood Pressure still borderline ... been praying and watching my diet.... one thing which I must do is to start exercising regularly again.

Last week I had a nice chat with my mom .... she had always been my source of inspiration and encouragement .... and truly mother's love is unconditional. These are the rare times when I can just sit down and talk to mom.... she is a woman with few words but when she does speak ... they are pearls of wisdom. Most of the time, dad does the talking. But today .. it was just mom and me. Dad was out playing Mahjong. Sis is with her soon to be hubby in KL getting their pre wedding photos taken and to get ready to move into the new house. So many things happening at the same time and I needed someone to listen and talk to.

Most of the time I will just bury myself in work or just sit in front of the computer .... playing online games such as Ragnarok to get away to another land ... to be someone else.... to forget .... sometimes it works ... but most of the time it does not help much.

I was just sharing with mom about what going through my mind ... how I am so fed up with my work and studies and that I regret being a doctor.... how I had lost my passion ... etc ... blah blah .... and I always thought that no one will understand.... mom just listened quietly. When it was time for her to speak .... I realized that she understands .... that she had gone through what I am doing through now when she was a head nurse. ( right now mom works at a dialysis centre as a staff nurse ) ... she had discouraged me to take up medicine as she had seen how the doctors, trainees and house officers were suffering and she did not want me to go through the same ordeal. But stubborn me .. insisted on doing medicine.... so here I am .... beaten up and torn apart.... exhausted. And mom's words where like a river going flowing through my dried up soul .... refreshening me ... giving me hope again. She did not judge but just share her experiences and that was enough.

Thanks mom ...

Please keep my pastor and his family in prayers

Please pray for my pastor and his family.... his father passed away early Monday morning.  I will be attending the funeral service today.  It all happened so sudden and came as a shock to all of you.  Please uphold them in prayer.

It is a reminder to me that life is short and fragile and I must learn to treasure every minute that had been entrusted to me.

Thanks

Lost in Your love ....

It's You ....

It’s You, You who have won my heart
Taken me into Your arms
Comforted me like a friend
Your Love
Surrounded me from the start
I never want to be apart
from You ever again

I want to sing
Until i am lost in Your love
Till I’m found in Your presence
Worshipping before Your throne
Move by Your Spirit
Entering into Your flow
How precious this moment
Lord, I want You to know

This is one of the old old old songs ( shows which generation I am in right now ) which used to be sung in my church. Today Kok Hon led the worship and decided to sing some oldies. The amazing part was that .... even though it was an old song ... it brought back memories when I used to sit in the balcony ... staring into the sky ... singing this love song to God ... when my love for God was undivided ... when there was only Him and Him alone ... my love for Him was simple .... my first love. No questions asked ... fully surrendered and He alone can comfort and satisfy me. Over the years ... the heart had grown colder ... harder ..... due to the hurts and scars inflicted by myself and others ..... more skeptical ... more cautious ..... more questions.... more walls ..... and I keep looking for something to fill me up ... to satisfy me ... to complete me ... when God alone can.

And today at church .... the tears flowed freely again. It was just Jesus and me .... yes just the both of us ... I am His and He is mine. Just basking in His presence ... enjoying each other's company and presence .... and all things become like shadows in the light of God. And I sang this song ... fervently ... with my whole heart ... with my very being .... and yes I was brought to the place of my first love. It is only You, Jesus .... only You. Because man will always fail and change but You alone never fails and remain the same ... Your love for me is unconditional.

Headaches getting worst

My headaches are getting worst and it is not getting relieved by panadol...hmmmm  .... not able to concentrate on my studies ..... this is not the time to fall sick or be hindered by ailments.  Do keep me in prayers.  Thanks.

My old friend is back !!!!

My old friend is back !!!! MIGRAINE !!!!!!!   I had been pain free for a few months .... just the occasional headaches which won't last .....but recently since I started to prepare for the exams more seriously ... my old friend is back.  Just another month .... hang in there..... I guess I need to resort to Panadol again.