I am sorry for the lack of updates .... been exhausted after after frying my brain at the library and the viva sessions. There are still alot of things to read and remember ..... sometimes I cant remember what I studied last week ... well I will just keep on going. Headaches not getting relieved by Panadol anymore .... Blood Pressure still borderline ... been praying and watching my diet.... one thing which I must do is to start exercising regularly again.
Last week I had a nice chat with my mom .... she had always been my source of inspiration and encouragement .... and truly mother's love is unconditional. These are the rare times when I can just sit down and talk to mom.... she is a woman with few words but when she does speak ... they are pearls of wisdom. Most of the time, dad does the talking. But today .. it was just mom and me. Dad was out playing Mahjong. Sis is with her soon to be hubby in KL getting their pre wedding photos taken and to get ready to move into the new house. So many things happening at the same time and I needed someone to listen and talk to.
Most of the time I will just bury myself in work or just sit in front of the computer .... playing online games such as Ragnarok to get away to another land ... to be someone else.... to forget .... sometimes it works ... but most of the time it does not help much.
I was just sharing with mom about what going through my mind ... how I am so fed up with my work and studies and that I regret being a doctor.... how I had lost my passion ... etc ... blah blah .... and I always thought that no one will understand.... mom just listened quietly. When it was time for her to speak .... I realized that she understands .... that she had gone through what I am doing through now when she was a head nurse. ( right now mom works at a dialysis centre as a staff nurse ) ... she had discouraged me to take up medicine as she had seen how the doctors, trainees and house officers were suffering and she did not want me to go through the same ordeal. But stubborn me .. insisted on doing medicine.... so here I am .... beaten up and torn apart.... exhausted. And mom's words where like a river going flowing through my dried up soul .... refreshening me ... giving me hope again. She did not judge but just share her experiences and that was enough.
Thanks mom ...