Sunday, 23 September 2007

Deep thoughts ....

I realized that every time I am back in my home church ... the messages preached by my pastors never cease to speak straight to my heart. .... the Word of God is sharper than a 2 edged sword...

Hebrews 4:12 ...
For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

And usually after church .... I will be in deep thought ... searching through my heart .... letting God work in my heart. .... showing me things and exposing things that I had swept under the rug ... hidden from others but God sees it all clearly ... I can never hide from Him. I can still put on a smile for others and say I am doing fine when everything inside of me is crying out for someone to reach out to me ... to touch my heart.... to come into my world. I have been good at burying myself at work. I have used my studies and work as an excuse to draw up a wall so that I will not be hurt again when I am left out or forgotten or ignored or rejected...... the wall had been reinforced over the years. And God had been trying to break it down. And yet sometimes I am afraid to let my guard down .. .been hurt too many times ... been rejected too many times .... been used too many times. Only God alone can heal.... the wounds inflicted had turned into stubborn scars ... which still tells me to be careful ... don't let my guard down ... don't open up your heart.... don't get too close.....

And when I stepped into church this morning ... this song was being sung .... and it spoke to me

Planet Shakers - God of Miracles

Blessed be the Lord
Oh my soul
Lord, you are my God
Take control
To you I give my life
God it’s yours
Blessed be the Lord
Blessed be the Lord

It’s you
Who heals and forgive
It’s you
Jesus, I believe

You are God
You’re the God of miracle
You’re the God that makes me whole
And I’ll worship
I will worship You

My soul longs for You..

In the end I am humbled again .... in the end it is ONLY God alone Who can make me whole and heal me and make me new again .... to be tender before Him. To love again ... to reach out ... to risk it all ... to open up my heart again .... only God can give me the strength to do so.... to put my guard down and trust Him alone. And the deep thoughts continue ... but no more in despair but in anticipation and excitement in how God is going to work in my life. Amen


just me said...

It is always awesome to be ministered by The Holy Spirit... press on!

sbanboy said...

just me