Saturday, 29 September 2007

Bored ... lonely ..... the dam breaks loose

Here I am staring at the computer screen ... eyes itching and tearing .... sister and her soon to be husband out attending her best friend's wedding. Dad is downstairs watching TV while mom is taking a bath. Books are out of the bag .... and I am getting so sick of reading the same stuffs over and over again and still forgetting .. . sick of being able to answer some questions .. sick of feeling dumb ... sick of everything actually... maybe I should just quit and get on with my life.

Started to think how lonely my life is ..... it had always be work work work work exams exams failing exams and more work ...... no wonder I dont take any leave ... I rather be at work ... keeping myself busy instead of being alone in my apartment and feeling lonely..... like an outcast or a hermit. How come it is so easy for others to make and keep friends ? There were days ... I will be wondering who I can call to hang out with ..... I am glad that sis was around when I was going through some tough times .... but she will be moving out soon in November. It will take time getting used to going back to an empty apartment..... maybe I will just bury myself watching DVDs , TVs or playing some online games or whatever. I wish .... I wish alot of things ... that my circumstances will be different. But whenever I am going to wallow in self pity ... a still small voice whispers to me ... " I have not forgotten you. You are NOT an outcast to Me. My plans for you is always good though it might not seem that way at the moment. Son rest in me ... stop fretting. Stop wishing you were someone else or somewhere else or that your situation was different. I love you so much. " But yet sometimes I wish there were some human contact .... more fellowship .....

In the end ... it is God alone Who holds my sanity and keeps me intact ... for without Him ... I would had ended it all ..... cause it is just too painful.

Ok back to my books .... I just needed to vent out some of the things that go through my mind.


Las montañas said...

you really should get involved in some interest activities. Join some sports group, mountain climbing, church outings..etc. And don't say no time!

narrowband said...

Hey go out and have some fun...

I join the gym, Toastmasters (public speaking + superb networking), and blog actively (lol...)...

If you have some spare time from work, be glad and fill it up with some non-work-related activities.

Some people don't even have this luxury - time.

I'm abit worried about loneliness and things like that too so hopefully things will turn out OK for me too... *fingers crossed*

anastasia said...

I can relate to this so well.

I'm probably the last person you should take advice from but do try to go out and have some fun. Join in church activities, join your colleagues for non-work things, stuff like that.

And it's really good that despite this loneliness you know that He is with you because as alone as you may feel, He is always always with you, beside you and feeling the same loneliness that you are feeling.

Take care and God bless.

Winnie said...

i guess when one is in his "comfort zone" and dont "move/venture" on, u will feel bored since nothing changes. Once u venture out to find something new, such as volunteering once a week? or twice a month or something, make one small change at a time, things might change and be different?

u just hv to step up n make a change? probably after ur exams in nov is over.

poohbearee said...

Hie Wymen,
I guess ranting abt things is not really a bad thing. And from wat i read from your blog comments, you do hv quite a number of people who seemed to me are your good frens.

*Reading LM's comment* Hmmm....go harass him after your exams to go mountain climing with u. LOL.

Take care and do your v best. You are always in His good hands.

TZ said...

Dude, start going to the gym and attend the GX classes... you will meet more people there.

Sitting at the home alone, watching TV/DVD will not do you any good. Go out and enjoy yourself with your friends :-p

Las montañas said...

LM is old liao.. cannot do all these climbing things wait kena knee pain, ankle pain, arm pain, back pain, shoulder pain ..etc