Here I am staring at the computer screen ... eyes itching and tearing .... sister and her soon to be husband out attending her best friend's wedding. Dad is downstairs watching TV while mom is taking a bath. Books are out of the bag .... and I am getting so sick of reading the same stuffs over and over again and still forgetting .. . sick of being able to answer some questions .. sick of feeling dumb ... sick of everything actually... maybe I should just quit and get on with my life.
Started to think how lonely my life is ..... it had always be work work work work exams exams failing exams and more work ...... no wonder I dont take any leave ... I rather be at work ... keeping myself busy instead of being alone in my apartment and feeling lonely..... like an outcast or a hermit. How come it is so easy for others to make and keep friends ? There were days ... I will be wondering who I can call to hang out with ..... I am glad that sis was around when I was going through some tough times .... but she will be moving out soon in November. It will take time getting used to going back to an empty apartment..... maybe I will just bury myself watching DVDs , TVs or playing some online games or whatever. I wish .... I wish alot of things ... that my circumstances will be different. But whenever I am going to wallow in self pity ... a still small voice whispers to me ... " I have not forgotten you. You are NOT an outcast to Me. My plans for you is always good though it might not seem that way at the moment. Son rest in me ... stop fretting. Stop wishing you were someone else or somewhere else or that your situation was different. I love you so much. " But yet sometimes I wish there were some human contact .... more fellowship .....
In the end ... it is God alone Who holds my sanity and keeps me intact ... for without Him ... I would had ended it all ..... cause it is just too painful.
Ok back to my books .... I just needed to vent out some of the things that go through my mind.