Sunday, 30 September 2007

Dinner with Chen

Last Wednesday ... I managed to meet up with Chen for dinner ... we decided to meet up at Midvalley .  I was doing morning shift so I was able to go to Midvalley after spending a couple of hours in the library.   It was already very crowded when we reached Midvalley.  Chen came by commuter and I drove.... I was fortunate enough to get a parking place.  

Both of us finally decided have dinner at Manhattan Fish restaurant.  We reached about 615 pm so we able to have a seat before the "buka puasa" crowded started coming.
We went for the buka puasa package ... the seafood platter ... yummy 

I kinda like this drink ..... Soya ros .... nice
Mussels in cream ..... 
The seafood platter
Erm the Tiramisu ... I forget to take pictures of it before we attacked it
I had a great time ..... it was great to catch up with Chen ..... plan to pay her a visit maybe end of this year :)

Saturday, 29 September 2007

Bored ... lonely ..... the dam breaks loose

Here I am staring at the computer screen ... eyes itching and tearing .... sister and her soon to be husband out attending her best friend's wedding. Dad is downstairs watching TV while mom is taking a bath. Books are out of the bag .... and I am getting so sick of reading the same stuffs over and over again and still forgetting .. . sick of being able to answer some questions .. sick of feeling dumb ... sick of everything actually... maybe I should just quit and get on with my life.

Started to think how lonely my life is ..... it had always be work work work work exams exams failing exams and more work ...... no wonder I dont take any leave ... I rather be at work ... keeping myself busy instead of being alone in my apartment and feeling lonely..... like an outcast or a hermit. How come it is so easy for others to make and keep friends ? There were days ... I will be wondering who I can call to hang out with ..... I am glad that sis was around when I was going through some tough times .... but she will be moving out soon in November. It will take time getting used to going back to an empty apartment..... maybe I will just bury myself watching DVDs , TVs or playing some online games or whatever. I wish .... I wish alot of things ... that my circumstances will be different. But whenever I am going to wallow in self pity ... a still small voice whispers to me ... " I have not forgotten you. You are NOT an outcast to Me. My plans for you is always good though it might not seem that way at the moment. Son rest in me ... stop fretting. Stop wishing you were someone else or somewhere else or that your situation was different. I love you so much. " But yet sometimes I wish there were some human contact .... more fellowship .....

In the end ... it is God alone Who holds my sanity and keeps me intact ... for without Him ... I would had ended it all ..... cause it is just too painful.

Ok back to my books .... I just needed to vent out some of the things that go through my mind.

Friday, 28 September 2007

My little sister is getting married ... oh how time flies

Well today I am off .... resting at home, staring at my books ..... and I see my sister getting ready for her pre wedding photoshooting session.   She is a lady now ... waiting to spend the rest of her life with Prince Charming who swept her off her feet.  Love is in the air ..... both their eyes lit up when they look into each other eyes .... and yes I am getting older and gonna be alone .... oh how time flies.  A new chapter unfolds for my sister.  And I hope that someday I will find my other half too..... someday.

Thursday, 27 September 2007

I am still jinx !!!

I am still jinx !!!! I guess that should be my middle name ... since I started work I had always been stuck with the most busiest calls and with the most problematic patients ever !!!! Problematic meaning that it is a challenge to treat them and they just happen to pay a visit to the hospital when I am on call.

I was planning to have dinner with a friend today after my afternoon shift in the hospital ... well little did I know that I will be stuck in the hospital way past the working hours. Well I am supposed to be off by 6 pm so that I can beat the jam and meet up for dinner. Well I guess I will be stuck here till about 9 pm or so ..... and yes this kind of things only happen to me.

Maybe it is a sign for me to change my profession ...hmmmm

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

Dead tired

Was on call yesterday .... it was not very busy ... no matter what I am still not able to rest well when I am on call .... I was always worried that I might not hear the pager or the phone ring .... and even though I get about 3 hours of sleep ... I am still zonked out the next day when I am post call.  Like today I came back to my apartment and I collapsed till about 3 pm.   And I still feel really zonked.

Anyway I am gonna take a bath ... have dinner and hit the books.  Beginning to think that maybe this is not for me .... I am tired of doing 24 hours on call .... my body is being abused over and over again.  Well one more time .... just one more time. 

Sunday, 23 September 2007

Deep thoughts ....

I realized that every time I am back in my home church ... the messages preached by my pastors never cease to speak straight to my heart. .... the Word of God is sharper than a 2 edged sword...

Hebrews 4:12 ...
For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

And usually after church .... I will be in deep thought ... searching through my heart .... letting God work in my heart. .... showing me things and exposing things that I had swept under the rug ... hidden from others but God sees it all clearly ... I can never hide from Him. I can still put on a smile for others and say I am doing fine when everything inside of me is crying out for someone to reach out to me ... to touch my heart.... to come into my world. I have been good at burying myself at work. I have used my studies and work as an excuse to draw up a wall so that I will not be hurt again when I am left out or forgotten or ignored or rejected...... the wall had been reinforced over the years. And God had been trying to break it down. And yet sometimes I am afraid to let my guard down .. .been hurt too many times ... been rejected too many times .... been used too many times. Only God alone can heal.... the wounds inflicted had turned into stubborn scars ... which still tells me to be careful ... don't let my guard down ... don't open up your heart.... don't get too close.....

And when I stepped into church this morning ... this song was being sung .... and it spoke to me

Planet Shakers - God of Miracles

Blessed be the Lord
Oh my soul
Lord, you are my God
Take control
To you I give my life
God it’s yours
Blessed be the Lord
Blessed be the Lord

It’s you
Who heals and forgive
It’s you
Jesus, I believe

You are God
You’re the God of miracle
You’re the God that makes me whole
And I’ll worship
I will worship You

My soul longs for You..

In the end I am humbled again .... in the end it is ONLY God alone Who can make me whole and heal me and make me new again .... to be tender before Him. To love again ... to reach out ... to risk it all ... to open up my heart again .... only God can give me the strength to do so.... to put my guard down and trust Him alone. And the deep thoughts continue ... but no more in despair but in anticipation and excitement in how God is going to work in my life. Amen

Dinner to celebrate Sis' bday ...

Yesterday night ... we had dinner at Seremban Ikan Bakar to celebrate Sis' day which was last week.

Saturday, 22 September 2007

Erm another Burger Binge ......

Erm ... I had lunch with Kok Hon in Seremban as I was back for the weekend ... erm guess what we had ..... another burger binge ..... man ... good thing I went to the gym this morning ... dont feel that guilty ...but then Kok Hon is the only one so far who I can "pig out" with whatever food.  We just simply "hantam" only.  So here we are .... hmmm I guess my car just drove us to McD ...  We decided to try out the Spicy Beef Foldover ... which was not bad.

Kok Hon doing the demo for the Shake it French Fries with Seaweed Seasoning .... one, two, three .... go !!!!!

Put it all in the bag .... and shake it real good... 
Time to sample his work of art .... 

Sign of pure bliss .... erm in the end he said it was not that great after all ...better to have it in the original flavor.
The burgers .... this time, we only had 1 burger each lah ... coz could not find the coupons for the free burgers ...hehe....

Finally got off my fat butt and went to gym this morning :)

It had been ages since I went to the gym .... yup I am still paying for the membership fees ... my personal trainer gave up calling me to come for the training sessions..... I stopped during Chinese New Year ..... been thinking of going back many times. Got up this morning and I decided that I needed to go to the gym. I am the kinda of guy who likes my own privacy and a crowded gym is a big turn off for me. So I figured if I am in USJ during the weekends, I will head to the gym in the mornings. So this morning ... I went ... it was nice .. quiet ... no "q"s to wait for the weight machine or the cross trainer ... pure bliss ... but I guess eventually I will need to work up enough courage to blend in with the crowd if I am to ever lose weight and regain my health. So here I was working up a sweat ... my heart monitor telling me that I am in the fat burning zone .... and it felt good ... yup it had been a long time since I felt this good ..... I mean physically... I gotta keep this up. I even have a friend who is trying to ask me to sell off my membership to one of his friends.

TZ had been nagging at me for ages and he even obtained a free one week pass to come train at my gym ... so I guess I will be seeing him one day.

I dont have the stamina yet ... but I guess it is better late than never ... and something is better than nothing .. so here goes ... to a new ME ... and hopefully it will help me to stay away when I am in library studying ... :)

My favorite workout machine ... the cross trainer .. gentle on the joints .. but it gives a great whole body work out .. and I get to watch MTV or a movie.
Nice and quiet .. just the way I like it :)

Friday, 21 September 2007

This too shall pass - Yolanda Adams

Thanks to Dobbs (I copy "bulat bulat" from dobbs after asking her permission) for sharing this song ..... tears could not stop flowing .... walls built were broken ..... hardened heart softened again ..... hope is reborn ....

In the middle of the turbulence surrounding you
These trying times that are so hard to endure
In the middle of what seems to be your darkest hour
Hold fast your heart and be assured

This too shall pass
Like every night that’s come before it
He’ll never give you more than you can bear
This too shall pass
So in this thought be comforted
It’s in His Hands
This too shall pass

The Father knows the tears you cry before they fall
He feels your pain, His heart and yours are one
The Father knows that sorrow’s heavy chains are strong
But with His strength, you’ll overcome

This too shall pass
Like every night that’s come before it
He’ll never give you more than you can bear

This too shall pass
So in this thought be comforted
It’s in His Hands
This too shall pass

So set your eyes upon the mountain
And lift your hands up to the sky
And let His arms of love surround you
And take you to the other side

This too shall pass
Like every night that’s come before it
He’ll never give you more than you can bear
This too shall pass
So in this thought be comforted
It’s in His Hands
This too shall pass

Sung by Yolanda Adams

Monday, 17 September 2007

Burger King Dinner with Kok Hon

First Kok Hon emailed me the vouchers for buy one free one burgers at Burger King and then I found the actual vouchers in the Star Newspaper last week.....since Kok Hon was in town .... we decided to have dinner at Burger King.  We ordered a beef burger and chicken burger and ended up getting a total of 4 burgers .... the drinks were bottomless .... we could just keep filling it up ... :)  It was a great time of fellowship.

A prayer request for DR RAZAK

Hi guys .... I just want to ask for a favor.... to pray for my friend's (who is a registrar in Anaesthesia) husband, Dr Razak (he is an orthopedic surgeon ... I had worked with him personally when I was in GHKL ...he is a gem of a guy .. humble ) who is a Chronic Myeloid Leukemia patient..... you can read about him and his progress at his blog.

He is currently undergoing chemotherapy but had been having some side effects of the drugs.  He will be undergoing bone marrow transplant ... correction ... he will be transfused with the apharesis ... cells harvested from his brother.....  on September 18th.  The donor is his very own brother.

Do pray for him .... that God will give him and his family the strength and take away the side effects.  Do pray for a successful bone marrow transplant and for a speedy recovery for both donor and recipient.  

Thanks alot.

Sunday, 16 September 2007

My room .... updated

Ok finally followed the advice to clear the wires from the floor .... it is more neat now and less risk for me to trip over the wires ... hehe .... my macbook is another table.  Erm the wallpaper is from Maple Story ... the online game which I am currently playing .... which helps me to destress.  You can see the 6 Gb Blue Ipod Mini in a black silicon case just beside my macbook.  You can see that I am charging my bluetooth headset, my Ipaq RW6828 and my Holux 236b GPS receiver.  

You will notice that the mirror is missing now ... replaced by a whiteboard.  

Russell Watson is providing the background music with his vocals .. singing Amore e musica

Ok back to studying :)  Cheers.

You can view the previous arrangement here.

Oh well decided to put up the picture here as well so that you can compare the difference :)

Me .... so far

It has been awhile since I shared about what had been going through my mind.  Many times people who meet me .... say I am so different from the way the I blog.  I think most of the time people think that I am in depression from the things I share in my blog and they are so surprised to finally see me in person.  I am also pleasantly surprised to find that there are people who do read my blog and I have a lot of silent readers ... and silent reader no 1 is Jimbo ...hehe ... he always tells me that even though he does not leave any comments ... he reads my blog.  Jimbo had always been a big brother who I am always proud of and honored to have known in my life.  

I guess it is different when I blog and when I am person.  Many times I chose to walk around with a smile on my face .... though inside there might be turmoil.  The fact that I have Jesus ..... He is my peace in the midst of storms.  Though I might share about what is troubling me ... I will always always turn back to Him Who alone is my firm foundation and the reason that I live each day.  

Well I think I have changed over the years.  The failures and the depression... the breakdowns .... which I had ... I used to question God about them ... had in fact made me stronger when I welcome them as friends and not as enemies.  I was so preoccupied in stopping the pain that I nearly closed my heart to what God was trying to do in my life.   Over the years ... I began to see that I will not have it any other way .... truly God alone knows how to break and mould me to become more like Jesus.  He chastens those who He loves .... I count it all joy.   He alone knows how to corner me so that I will face the demons and overcome instead of running away.  

My life had also been on a stand still since I started my masters.  Initially I had a different mindset towards this masters program..... every time I thought I will pass my exams ... it had ended as a blow to my ego and self confidence when I had failed.   Well I am finally going for my final attempt for my primary exams in November....if I fail I will be out of the masters program and if I pass I have another one and a half years before I sit for my final exams.  The 24 hour on call had been taking its toil on my body and health.  This year had seen me falling sick quite often though it had not dampened my spirit.  I am more forgiving of myself nowadays.  I welcome rest now so that I will be more refreshed for the upcoming task.  Last time I will be in so much guilt if I did not study for a day and sometimes that guilt can crippled.  So in the end ... it was all not wasted ..... my family had been commenting that I have changed.  I am more loving, more forgiving, more patient and most of all I am more gentle and forgiving to myself.

Yes time flies ..... sometimes it is due to our own mistakes or someone else's mistakes or wrong choices and bad things might happen ... but I believe that my life is in His hands ..... and nothing is wasted.  Life goes on.  And it is what we make of it.

Saturday, 15 September 2007

Romantic Dominos

Sis and I decided to have Dominos Pizza for dinner today.  Her fiancee also came along to have dinner with us.  There is promotion going on where you can order one regular pizza and get the 2nd regular pizza for just 10 CENTS !!!!!!!!!!  but then u will have to pick it up from the Pizza shop.
We decided to have the pizza at the playground within the apartment.... it gave a nice romantic feeling with the surrounding lighting....nice
The love birds and the artery clogging pizzas

Two of our favorite flavors ... Chicken Pepperoni and Spicy Sambal with thin crust .... yummy 

Out of the apartment finally .... nutrition and beamfest

Finally feel well enough to get out of my apartment.  I have practically locked myself up in my apartment since Wed... I really needed the rest.... which did me good.  I feel more refreshed.  But I hope I am able to push myself for the final preparations for my exams without falling sick again as I was not able to study much....well the rest did me good.

This Saturday I attended the Nutrition talk by Dr Ray Strand which was recommended by DailyMuscle.  The topic was about Oxidative Stress .... and in the end Dr Ray did try to recommend some multilevel marketing products from USANA.  Anyway it was good to attend a seminar once a while.  I bought 2 of his books. 
The seminar was held in Sime Darby Convention Centre..... I had no idea where it was ... erm not even my sister ...hehe.... but thank God for GPS ... I was able to plot my way to the place without any hassle.  TZ also joined me for the seminar.  Thanks alot buddy.

After the talk on the way back, I decided to find out if the Beamfest conducted by some of the members of Mypdacafe was still going on.  I still able to meet up with a few of them.  I finally got to meet Palmdoc in person.  It was great to share about the techno stuffs ... and the best part was that everyone was at the same wavelength.

Friday, 14 September 2007

Eyes still sore

Hmmm ... been resting the past 2 days ... tried to study but not able to see clearly ... wonder why.  Anyway no matter I am gonna force myself to study and force my eyes to read .

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

Ugh Conjunctivitis

Been having the "red eye" thingy for the past 2 days. Did eye wash ... eye drops .... but I think finally it is conjunctivitis. Came to work and I can hardly open my eyes ... it was RED, ITCHY, TEARING like a dam broke loose and SWOLLEN. I better not infect my patients and colleagues. Taken a number at the clinic in the hospital and am currently waiting for my number to be called. I hope I will get a few days to isolate myself from infecting others and I hope to recover before Sunday as I will be on call in ICU. Hmmm I seem to always fall sick before and after I am on call in ICU. Anyway inspite of the red eye and tearing and itchiness ... I have been pushing myself to keep studying.

Hope I will get well soon.
Picture taken with my Ipaq RW6828. It aint that great. Time for an upgrade ???

Update : Been chased out of the hospital.  Seen by a doctor at the Eye Clinic ... was told to take one week MC but I said that my MC will be deducted as leave as I am in the Masters Program as I was saving up my leave for studies.  So I was given MC till Friday.  Anyway just found out that after this MC  .... I only have one day leave left.  Oh well ... I was given 2 kinds of eye drops.  My roster maker is trying to find a replacement for me to do the ICU call this Sunday ... if not then I will have to do the call.  Well let's hope for the best and that I will recover by then.  

Monday, 10 September 2007

Supper with tukangtaip

Just got back from supper with tukangtaip and his friend A.  It was good to meet up after so many months.  It was great to catch up about what had been happening in our lives.  He had been there for me when I needed someone to talk to.  It is amazing how time flies.....things change but some friends remain.

Sunday Drive to Kluang

Last Sunday, sis and I drove down to Kluang to pay our respects to my sister's fiancee's grandma who passed away peacefully last Friday.  It was a pleasant drive.  It took about 2 and a half hours from Seremban.  And thanks to the GPS unit, we managed to find the place without any hassle...though we needed to give my sis' fiancee a call to get the final directions as the GPS map for Kluang was not that updated to provide the directions to the exact location.

We stuck around for about an hour before we decided to head back to Seremban.  We decided to stop by The Kluang Rail Coffee shop which was known for their coffee and the "kaya butter" bun toast.  The shop was located in the Kluang train station.  It reminded me of the old coffee shops ambience.

The place was super packed with people

Kaya Butter toasted bun
The coffee ... yummy ... :)  Will definitely go again.

Anyway am back to USJ.  Will be heading to the library again.  Will be on call this Sunday.  I will be attending the seminar conducted by Dr Ray Strand on nutrition this Saturday organized by Daily Muscle ... you can get more information from his website.  Do come for the seminar and we can meet up for a chat or a cup of coffee :)

Sunday, 2 September 2007

Asian Laksa, Senawang, Seremban

When I was back in Seremban.... managed to have lunch with Kok Hon at Asian Laksa which is located at Senawang in Seremban.  There are actually 2 branches.  One here and the other one is located at Jalan Loop, Rahang.  The one in Senawang is the first branch and had retained the standard all these years.  We prefer the Asian Laksa here when compared to the one in Jalan Loop.
Tea with coffee and milk with no sugar :) .. nice
You order the laksa with the curry chicken.  I prefer to eat it without the chicken.

They have started selling "yong tau fu" also which was quite yummy.

Great to be home .....

It had been great to be home .... for a few days.  It was great to fellowship again ... thanks to Kok Hon.  Pastor Marianne's message this Sunday was spot on ... exactly what I needed to hear as always.  It made me realize that I become more alive when I am back in church among friends and loved ones....when the word of God nourishes my starving soul.   The fellowship quenches the need to belong.   It made me realize that I should seriously consider getting involved in a church over that I can grow, belong and serve.  I have been attending FGA Subang Jaya ... but mainly as a "back bench" Christian.  Just go for the service and then go straight home.  I will not be going back so often to Seremban as exams are drawing near.  So for one last time .. I will study and hope for the best for my primary exams as this is my final attempt.  And life must go on.

Sorry for the lack of update.  I have taken tons of pictures of Siem Reap.  I also took alot of pictures when I was back in Seremban.  I took portraits of the church staffs and the pastors.   I also became one of the "hing tai" (brothers) for one of the church member who is getting married today.  All in all it was a fun trip .. to be home.  To have a meal together with my lovely family .. mom, dad and sister.  Those are the precious moments which I will treasure in my heart always.

But always at the back of my mind ... is the upcoming exams.  Once and for all ... I want to get this over it.  Whatever the outcome.... I will do my best with no regrets.

Do continue to keep me in prayer.... I need it.  To remain focus.  To understand and remember what I have studied.  For good health and a sound and focused mind.  Thanks alot

Take care and God bless...