October 30, 2005
This is my first post .... just wanted to share about what Pastor Marianne's sermon this morning in church. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I have been struggling with alot of things lately since I started doing my masters program ... I really miss my home, my church and my friends ... and due to my work schedule .. not been regular but I try my best to go back to Seremban. I have been trying to attend a church in USJ but I dont really fit in due to my work schedule.
My exams are from Nov 10 till 18 and studies had not been great. Working in General Hospital Kuala Lumpur is tiring and most of the time I am zonked out after work..... Sometimes my studies get me down ... I feel that I am not doing enough or studying enough .. there are times I am so stressed out that I cant even study. Not much fellowship over here also in USJ ... but God is holding me close.
This is what Pastor Marianne mentioned
Grace will conquer the things that steal the Christian's motivation
1. Guilt and shame
2. Legalism and negativism
3. Petty fighting
4. Small minded intolerance
5. Self imposed restricitions
I do struggle with no 1,2 and 5 and God really has a way to speak right into my heart. Today's message was exactly what I needed to hear and the Holy Spirit really ministered to my heart and I received renewed hope... yes only by grace alone and I will boast in Him alone.
What does grace do :
1. His abundant grace redeems us
2. His abundant grace educates us
3. His abundant grace encourages us
4. His abundant grace involves us
Oh Lord Jesus .. may I never forget the price You had to pay for me ... the Lamb Who sacrificed for me that God may see Jesus in me and be made righteous. Thank You Jesus .... thank You for my 2 pastors (Pastor Chris and Pastor Marianne ) who are intuned with You. May You continue to draw us to deeper levels of intimacy with You and may You continue to consume us with the passion of pursuing You .... Amen
I might start blogging here as most of my church friends are here in Friendster. Anyway I do blog on sbanboy.blogspot.com when I have the time .. Take care and God bless ..
It was good to be reminded again and time really flies . There are time that I feel down and lonely. The feeling are real ..... and I am good at keeping them inside. But once in awhile I let my guard down and show who I really am risking being rejected by the person who I chose to be myself with..... being vulnerable..telling how I really feel ... but sometimes people dont understand as they are not in that situation ..... they have not really felt that way before or struggled with the same issues that I have .... and based on whatever experience that they have I am labelled.... . When I put on my "happy mask" everything goes well. The feelings and the struggles that I go through are real.... so real to me that it cripples me sometimes .... I guess I will continue to keep it inside.... maybe someday I will find someone who can love me and accept me for who I am ( oppss I think I have found Him .... His name is Jesus ). In the mean time I think it is safer to put on my "happy face" and I will survive.
I thank You that You alone sees me for who I am.... the struggles, the pain, the loneliness, the thoughts that go through my head. You alone holds me in one piece. You alone keeps me sane. Lord I surrender again my will, my own human experiences, what little strength I have left and self confidence ... I surrender them all at Your feet. I empty myself before You ... so that there will be no more ME but only You alone who is the God who sits at the throne of my life. May You continue to fill me with so much love that I cannot help but love others and touch lives for Your glory. Yes it is better to have loved than to never have loved at all. So Lord .... Your grace is sufficient for me. Amen