Tuesday, 30 May 2006

Letting go


Letting go - by Jeremy Camp

Gripping on so tight with the security I have inside
Knowing what is right holding onto my pride

Letting go of the things I hold so dear
Letting go of all my pain and all my fears
Letting go of the things I hold so dear
Letting go of all my pain and all my fears

I have been brought to a place
Where I want to give up everything
Where all I can do is seek your face
And my brokenness I will bring

Holding on to the things I deem so strong
Holding on even tho my faith has been built so long
Holding on to the things I deem so strong
Holding on to what I know

I'm letting go




This song really speaks to me about letting go..... I had just finished my exams in May and I am already getting tensed for the coming exams in Nov. I am worried that history will repeat itself in Nov. One of my dear friends told that if I dont pull myself together now ... history will repeat itself in Nov. I am sick of going in circles. I want to break free of this viscous cycle. I am letting go of my pain and fears and negative thoughts .... the battle is fought in the mind ... and the battle is won or lost in the mind. As I think, so I will be .... so guys .... please keep me in prayers ... so that I can break free.

I have already started to plan for my exams in Nov. Arranging my notes. And every night before I sleep .. I am thinking of my exams. Because I want so badly to pass in Nov. Yes I must pass in Nov.

So I am letting go .... letting of my negative thinking which had become so part of me .... it will not be easy to break a habit which I had entertained for so many years. Yet I am remind in Philippians 4: 13 that I can do ALL things through Christ Who strengtens me. John 8:31-36 which states that the truth will set me free and he who the Son sets free is free indeed ... Amen .. Oh Lord Jesus, I claim Your promises. Come let's do this together.... coz I have no strength of my own. Amen

My 10 Simple Pleasures

I got tagged by Chen ..... so finally decided to complete the tag before I forget about it totally

Here goes ....

My 10 Simple Pleasures

  1. To just sit at home put on a Christian worship CD and just love and worship my Lord and Saviour Jesus
  2. To go home to see my parents where I am always loved and accepted no matter what
  3. To be able to get up in the morning and know that God has given me another day to live
  4. To be able to ride my scooter in the jam after work ... rain or shine and still reach my apartment in 40 minutes (it takes me 1 hour plus to 2 hours to reach my apartment in my car is I am stuck in a major jam)
  5. To pump in petrol into my scooter and having to pay like 8 ringgits only
  6. To be able to ride my scooter pass a tol without paying a cent with a smile on my face
  7. To know that eventhough I only have like one ringgit in my wallet, that my pay will be out tomorrow
  8. To able to snap pictures and capture the moment .... a smile, laughter and the beautiful creation of God ... nature.. ( I seriously need a better camera .. I am still stuck with my 4 year old Canon IXUS V3)
  9. To have a meal or a cup of teh tarik with close friends
  10. To be able to eat my favorite foods .... I mean I have a lot of favorite foods ... haha ... like satay, wanton mee, laksa, asam laksa, Seremban Siew Pau, Popiah, Pizza, lasagna ... etc ... well so you know what to stuff me with ... hehe :D

Erm I dont think I will be tagging anyone lah this time ... but you are welcomed to do the tag if you wish...

Yup life is short .... dont forget to slow down and smell the roses along the way ....

My own MP3 player - final part

Final part - well I have make do with whatever I have. So I bought a 1 gig SD card and loaded it with MP3 and converted my Treo 650 into my MP3 player.... now it is a phone, PDA and MP3 player.

Anyway any kind soul can start saving for my birtday in October so that I can get a proper MP3 player ... hehe .. :D .. hint hint

Sorry for the late post ... my sis was using the camera for a couple of days... and finally managed to snap a picture of my treo with the 2.5 mm to 3.5 mm stereo headphone connection which I can use to connect normal stereo headphones so that I can listen to MP3 on my Treo 650 ....

Total cost :

1. The plug = RM 18
2. SD Card 1 gig = RM 105

Grand total = RM 123

Ipod Video 30 Gig = RM 1295
Creative Vision M 30 Gig = RM 1140

So I guess I will need to save up for it someday ...someday .... daydreaming ......

Saturday, 27 May 2006

If you dare to dream .....


Dreams are a big part of our Lives
and You must do whatever it takes
to make them a Reality;
by the plans you make,
the course you take,
and the things you do.


Don't dwell on past mistakes.
Leave yesterday behind,
along with all it's problems,
worries and doubts.
Realize you can't
change the past,
but you can start
a new tomorrow.
Don't try to do
everything at once;
take one step at a time,


Don't ever be afraid
to try the Impossible
no matter what
others may think.
Remember you are Unique
in your own special way.
Don't ever stop Dreaming!
Don't ever stop wanting
what's right for you!

Breakfast anyone ? Walk walk anyone ?

I am in USJ this weekend ... plan to clean up my room, plan out my course for the next few months, burn some calories, ride my bike, etc ....

Wanted to go out for breakfast and later was thinking of going to One Utama and then I realised that there was no one available to go makan(eat) or jalan jalan(walk walk) with ..... I mean just a buddy to hang out with .... and I could not find one at this moment. Hmmmm ... I have made some great friends from my blog and I wish that you guys were here so that we can hang out ...

Anyone ?

Friday, 26 May 2006

My own MP3 player - part 1


Part One .... to making my own MP3 player ... this is one of the parts .... any idea ?

Thursday, 25 May 2006

I want !!!!!

I have been wanting a MP3 player either the Ipod Video or the Creative Vision M for AGES !!!!!! I want I want I want .... and I can come up with a million ... nope a trillion reasons why I should buy it .... but though the temptation was so strong .... I decided to try an el cheapo way to quench my desire for a MP3 player .... check in tomorrow and I will let you know ... :D




Dragon Fruit

My mom gave us some dragon fruits and I can say is this YUMMY !!!!! But beware if you eat too much ... you might ahem ahem pass out pink stools ... :D

Found out more from this website about dragon fruit and also check out this guy's blog given to me by Chen.

There are two varieties ... well Chen has eaten the one with the white flesh ... and I have only eaten the one with pink flesh ... so guys take your pick guys coz your stools the next day depends on your choice :D

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Wednesday, 24 May 2006

X MEN 3 Here I come

The movie which I have been waiting for ... will be going for the movie tonight with jimbo ... got free tickets mah ... so go go loh

Phoenix here I come :D

Thursday, 18 May 2006

Failure = stepping stone

Well guys just to inform you guys that I did not pass my exams .... results just came out

One of my consultant replied my sms ... Failure = Stepping Stone

Thanks for all your support and prayers ... appreciate it

Back in Seremban till Sat

Hi guys ... I am back in Seremban till Saturday.... it is great to be home to unwind and to plan for my next few months. Planning to go for movies, swimming, buy new pants (hmm did I lost weight ??? or ??? ), do some Callanetics ( I have been slacking in doing Callanetics ... I do it only when I have some back pain), catch up on my Christian books (which I had bought long long time back and had no time to read it), and just hang out with family and friends :D

So if any of you guys are back in Seremban ... do buzz me and we can go mamak and teh tarik

Cheers ...

Life is just short ... live life to the fullest

Tuesday, 16 May 2006

Dinner at TGIF

My sister took me out for dinner tonight at TGIF ... you can check out the menu here. It was my first time in TGIF .... we went to the one in Subang Parade. It was nice ... and we ordered one set of the set meals for RM 39.90 and we both shared because they were large portions and the waiter also suggested that the set meal was for 2 .....
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I really the atmosphere at the TGIF...the people were warm and the decors set the mood ....

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Fried squid with vinegar and chilli ... yummy

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CAJUN SHRIMP & CHICKEN PASTA
Sautéed shrimp, chicken and red bell peppers tossed in a Cajun Alfredo sauce with fettuccine pasta and topped with Parmesan cheese.

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BROWNIE OBSESSION
A warm brownie covered in Ghirardelli® chocolate-fudge sauce, vanilla ice cream, caramel sauce and pecans.

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The end result of the brownie ... hehe

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The final bill

Fruit Juice Frenzy

Today I ran out of idea what to eat for lunch .... so decided to just have juice for lunch and dinner... also good for cleansing all my toxins ... ahem ahem .... maybe can lose 1 kg for water loss today .... hehe...healthy body = healthy mind :D

My favorite is Sunkist and today there was an offer in Giant for RM 5.59 for 1.89 L. This is the first time I am trying out the guava juice.


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My exams finishes tomorrow

Just another day to go .... I will be done with my exams tomorrow.

I had an interesting heart to heart talk with my big brother last night.... and he loved me enough to confront me with the truth and it sure woke me up because I had been trying to pick up the pieces of my life. I had known him since I was a medical student in India and he has been a blessing to me. And he loved me enough to confront me in love and to point out my mistakes instead of "sugarcoating" words. He is the big brother which I never had (I am the eldest in my family) and I thank God for him.

Thanks big bro .... you can check out his blog here

Sunday, 14 May 2006

Happy Mother's Day

Hi hi ... I just got back from Seremban. We took mom out for a nice dinner to appreciate her .... it is always great to be home ..... and as usual mom will fuss over us and we managed to wash 3 weeks of laundry in mom's Toshiba 9 kg washing machine .... and mom stocks us up with home cooked goodies when we drove back to USJ today ....

Whenever I have to go back to USJ ... I will start missing home and start dreading it .... I hope I will finish what I need to do here fast so that I be nearer home.

Happy Mother's Day !!!!!

Wednesday, 10 May 2006

Good to be alive

Today was my first day of exams and it did not go very well... I might have to repeat my exams in November again ... duh .... but I am glad to be alive ... yes so glad to be alive. I rode my scooter to my university where I sat for my exams. I always pray before I start my riding my bike. And I am very careful when I am riding.

But today while I was still feeling down from my exams ... I was still on the highway nearing my apartment ... I heard a loud "POP" and then my scooter started making funny noises .. and I was like "Oh man .. what now ??? I was going at about 70 km/hour and my scooter was still very stable at the speed. Stopped by the highway and found out that I had a flat tyre ... since my scooter tyre was a tubeless tyre ... I still managed to ride slowly back to USJ to find a shop to repair my tyre ...

To my horror ... they found that huge piece of metal stuck inside my tyre ... it was huge ..... and by God's grace ... He protected me ... I did not skid...

The people in the bike shop said I was very lucky because if I was riding a small bike "kapcai" with the tiny tyres .. I would have skidded and erm .. lost a limb or my life ... I silently whispered a word of thanks to God... and my spirit was lifted up again ... I WAS JUST SO THANKFUL TO BE ALIVE !!!!

So anyway I had to change a brand new tyre for my scooter .... and I was glad that I bought a scooter instead of a kapcai .... I thank God that my life is in His hands and He protected me ...



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Monday, 8 May 2006

Now I remember

nana_prabowo: tell me... why you want to be an anasthesi?

sbanboy: I wanted to become one coz I like what I do ... I like the pain relief that I can give to the patients, I like to soothe and calm the patient before an operation because it is scary, I wanted to make a safe and pleasant experience for them .... all my hardship is forgotten when I can see a smile on the patient's face

nana_prabowo: :D

nana_prabowo: isn't that great?

sbanboy: thanks for reminding me

nana_prabowo: how it feel... to make other ppl feeling better?

sbanboy: it brought tears to my eyes again to remember why I joined the masters

sbanboy: the MAIN reason is that God had called me

nana_prabowo: then believe it... that you will pass all this stress, burden etc...

nana_prabowo: :D

sbanboy: amen

sbanboy: now I remember

sbanboy: now I remember

sbanboy: :D

nana_prabowo: don't be sad, ok...

nana_prabowo: you must be strong...

nana_prabowo: :D

nana_prabowo: if you want to help other ppl, first you also have to help yourself...

sbanboy: yup

I had this conversation with selba today ... I was taking a short break. And she was online. Well my exams is on Wednesday. Actually blogging is therapeutic for me ..... or else I will explode. I thank God for all the wonderful friends I had known through my blog. With her permission I had put it up as it is ....

I am actually quite stressed up and for all of you who had been reading my blog... you will know that somewhere along the line I had lost myself and my direction while doing my masters program. And today chatting with selba reminded me again why I joined masters .... yes I finally remember again.... like a fire rekindled...the passion and motivation is back ...... the light is back in my eyes.... I finally see the way .... yes I found my way again. Yes I remember ...

Thank you selba .... God is amazing ... and He knows just who to bring into my life at the very right moment ... Thank you sis :D

Hakka Ham Cha

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This is Hakka Ham Cha ... also known as Salted Tea ... this is the info I found from the internet. It is made up of vegetables and nuts and rice .... and there is a vegetable soup which goes along with it ...

Erm actually my mother told me to start taking this for dinner so that I can lose weight .. ahem ahem ... anyway I posted this up because my sweet little sister ... opps now a grown up lady, took the trouble to drive all the way back to the apartment during lunch time to give me the Ham Cha (she bought it from Shah Alam) for lunch or dinner as I am sitting in my apartment trying to fry my brains for my exams on Wednesday... I really thank God for a loving and supportive family.

So have anyone tried Hakka Ham Cha before ?

Be patient - God is not done with me yet

Avalon - Slowly

Maybe it's been too long for me
Maybe I'm too far gone
I'm not looking for sympathy
But I know something's gotta be wrong
Remind me now what it means to kneel
Get me out of the way
I'm learning still that your love is real
You've proven it's not a charade
I don't know how much I can take
Mighty fences are slipping away

You slowly break me down
You slowly turn me around
I'm learning how to live
I'm learning how to love
Now that You're here slowly showing me how

How do You say the things You say?
Do You really think I can change?
You love me with so much abandon
And You move in me with such grace
I am finally coming awake
Mighty fences are fading away

You slowly break me down
You slowly turn me around
I'm learning how to live
I'm learning how to love
Now that You're here slowly showing me

What I would be if I never let you in
What I would be if I am giving up my skin
What I would be if I let You in

You slowly break me down
You slowly turn me around

You slowly break me down
you slowly turn me around
I'm learning how to live
I'm learning how to love
Now that You're here slowly showing me how

If I based myself on human standards .. I would had lost my mind a long long time ago ... but it is amazing that God sees the true me and He alone knows the hidden fears and struggles that I go through. Yes He is not done with me yet ...therefore I will not give up on myself yet .... still a long way to go and face it I will in His strength while He slowly teach me how to live ...

Luke 9:23

This was what I posted on Sunday... initially was thinking of separating my Christian experiences to another blog ....but what jimbo said is true ... I cannot separate the secular from the gospel ... coz this is me .......


Sunday, May 07, 2006
Luke 9:23

Luke 9:23 (Amplified Bible)
Amplified Bible (AMP)

Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation
AMP at Lockman The Lockman Foundation Amplified at Zondervan Zondervan

23And He said to all, If any person wills to come after Me, let him deny himself [disown himself, forget, lose sight of himself and his own interests, refuse and give up himself] and take up his cross daily and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also].



This was the passage for today's sermon and it spoke to me... I was reminded again what is the cost involved in following Jesus. To deny myself...who is on the throne of my life right now ??? When I am honest with myself and God, I realised that many times eventhough I had surrendered to Him, I still wanted to do things my way. It is not about me ... it is all about Jesus.

He died for me and I was bought with a price .... therefore I dont belong to myself anymore. All the struggles which I went through was because I was focussing too much on "ME" ..... yes God gently nudged me today during the sermon ... "Son, let go and let Me be the God of all you. You belong to Me. You must deny yourself to follow me. As you seek Me first above all else, everything else will fall into place. "

Amen ... Lord ... help me to lay my life and deny myself every second of the day because there is no other way to live than to live in Your perfect will ...

Stressed up !!!

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Take deep breaths ... take deep breaths ... one, two, three.......

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Hmmm at this point I seriously think that my pda phone Treo 650 is smarter than me ..... it has all the info which I need to stuff into my tiny brain ....

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So what I end up doing to relieve my stress .... CHOCOLATES .... man I had been stuffing so much chocolates that I lost count .... kit kat, cadbury's, time out,etc

Sunday, 7 May 2006

My walk with God

Initially my blog was started to document my walk with God, but since I had been getting a mixed group of visitors, I had decided to share my Christian experiences in another blog while keeping this current blog for my everyday experiences Do drop by as I learn to walk with God... and we can learn from one another to love Jesus more each day.

Thank you

Saturday, 6 May 2006

Taufufa

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Taufufa or smooth beancurd is one of my all time favorite desert ... usually eaten together with sugar syrup or brown sugar syrup .. yummy ... healthy snack ... and according to old folks belief ... eating more beancurd or soya bean drink will give you smooth skin. :D

Erm no wonder lah my skin so smooth ahem ahem ... my mom was craving for taufufa and soya bean when she was pregnant with me ... hehe ... so erm pregnant moms out there, go grab some taufufa and soyabean drink and bottoms up ... :D

4 days left

4 days left .... I woke up with that thought .... man I am so not prepared ... what will people think ..... duh ... well too late now to bother about what people will think .... or else I will go crazy or not show up for the exams at all. I dont smoke, I dont drink, I dont party, I dont do locum (means working extra hours in a private clinic to earn some cash), I dont do direct selling...... hmmmm come to think of it .... I dont do anything ... I HAVE NO LIFE .... man.... what have I been doing all these while .... the answer : Sitting at home and going in circles getting stressed up about my masters program thinking that I am not cut out for it and trying to find myself - as a result .... my studies suffered or was it non existent ???? At times the stress and fear crippled me........Somewhere along the line ... I also lost interest ..... I nearly quit because I felt that I was going no where. I was tired all the time. I did not mind working long hours because I like what I do .... but in the process of staying back and working long hours ... I did not realised that I gave too much .. I drained myself too much until I was burnout ...until I was exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually...

But thank God the healing process had started. I am still tired...but at least I am opening my books and reading again... at least I can laugh again.....finally. Well whatever happens .... people will tend to judge and make their own conclusions .... only God and me knew what I went through.

Ok signing off .... back to my books .... cya

Friday, 5 May 2006

A&W here I come

Just a short entry ..... been raining and it is so foggy outside ... duh ... but I need to tear myself away from my laptop and streamyx which is a big big distraction ... so I am just gonna scoot to A&W USJ to get some studying done till 12 midnight ... so if guys are around ...drop by to say hi ... hehe

Cya

Home cooked dinner

Today my sister and her friend ahem ahem ... cooked dinner at home. It was really sweet of them .. .coz they said I was having exams and they did not want me to crack my head thinking what to do eat loh ... :D

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Seaweed, baby corn and pork ( non halal ... hehe ) soup
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Toufu with minced meat and mushrooms
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Pork with scrambled egg
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Sawi in Malay ... erm sorry ah dont know the english word for it.... maybe chen can help out ... hehe

Everybody Knows

Everybody Knows:
You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.

So:
You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
Because no one else is in the contest of *being you*.

Then:
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities
and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself
the respect that is due.
And you will be a most vital mortal.

Dare To Believe:
That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.
And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.