Tuesday, 28 February 2006

To bike or not to bike


Petrol prices had gone up a whoopping 30 cents !!!!! It is like 2 ringgit per liter !!!!Therefore to bike or not to bike ???

Now I have to pump in like extra 9 ringgit per week .... duh ... this is madness !!!!!

Or maybe it is madness for me to use a bike to travel from USJ to Hospital Kuala Lumpur which is a 30 mins drive in my car.

Hmm .. should I take the plunge ... duh ... I know my parents will never agree....

Monday, 27 February 2006

Headache

The headaches had started again as the exams draw nearer. Just pop in 2 panadols ... not able to get much studying done. Hmmm need to get a scan done to see what is inside my head ... I think I need to get my blood test for my liver enzymes since I had been popping panadol like no one's business...

Oh well life goes on ...

Sunday, 26 February 2006

If I had all the money in the world

If I had all the money in the world these are some of the things that I would like to do and have.


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1. Palm Treo 650. I use my Palm T5 alot at work for reference and also to take down notes during my work. I am using Nokia 6630 and T5 but most of the time I end up leaving my T5 behind coz it was just too troublesome to take 2 devices along. So I had been eyeing this Treo 650 for ages. Been waiting for the price to drop for ages. Hmmm still thinking if I should take the plunge as it will be more convenient to use a pda phone.

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2. I would like to buy a Nikon D50 dslr. I had started taking pictures a hobby and also a good way to de stress. I want to take nice pictures at my brother's wedding in Nov and also when I go sight seeing in Hong Kong. I initially want to just get a prosumer camera .. something like "Canon S2 IS" but it will limited in the types of lenses which I can use .. so Nikon D50 .. here I come ......
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3. A trip to Hong Kong with my sister in end of May or begining June after my exams to de stress. My family is kinda worried about me and they say that a holiday somewhere will do me good.


Well these are the things that I would to have and do and I hope the list will not grow too long, :)

Tuesday, 21 February 2006

Through The Rain

Through The Rain by Mariah Carey

When you get caught in the rain
With nowhere to run
When you’re distraught
And in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be SAVED
but nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can’t find your way home
You can get there alone, it’s ok
Once you say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down
Don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail
Once you say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

And when the wind blows
And shadows grow close
Don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face
And should they tell you
You’ll never pull through
Don’t hesitate
Stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
Can stand up once again
And I'll live one more day, and I
I can make it through the rain
Oh yes you can
You’re gonna make it through the rain


The healing rain had started in my life again...... yes I am healing again and I can live again .... yes to be alive again. To hope against hope. Amen...

Monday, 20 February 2006

The "How Old Are You" Tag.

The "How Old Are You" Tag.

Well I am post call ICU. Still in a daze .... might as take a few minutes to do this tag before I hit my books again. Well I am way too young to do this tag actually ..ahem ahem cough cough. I am a fan of oldies ... hehe

Ok here goes

1. Name one of the actor of the old days that you missed.
***Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones - my favorite movie of all time)

2. Name a cartoon of the old days.
***Macross

3. Name a singer/group of the old days.
***Carpenters

4. Band of the old days.
***scratch head... ? Beyond can be considered as Band, right?- quoted by chen .. .this one I also scratch my head

5.TV Series of the old days.
*** Knight Rider ... :)

6. Actress of Old Days.
***Julia Andrews

7. Fashion of Old Days that you miss the most.
***None ????

8. Movie of Old Days.
***Indiana Jones

9. Music Video of Old Days.
***Sweet Dreams - by Eurhytmics ( hope I got the spelling right )

10. Coolest Song of Old Days.
***Superwoman - Karyn White

Who are the people who will go through the same torture??
- erm for once I dont think I want to torture anyone with this tag, :)

Friday, 17 February 2006

You found me

"You Found Me" - by Kelly Clarkson

Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I've become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

So, here we are
That's pretty far
When you think of where we've been
No going back
I'm fading out
All that has faded me within
You're by my side
Now everything's fine
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where
I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

And I was hiding'
Til you came along
And showed me where I belong
You found me
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know?
How did you know?

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me

(You found me)
(When no one else was lookin')
You found me
(How did you know just where I would be?)
You broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
The good and the badAnd the things in between
You found me
You found me


This is a song by Kelly Clarkson ... I was playing it in my car this morning as I was driving to work. I came earlier to study because today I am doing the PM shift.

Many things going through my mind especially my mind is doing a mental count down of how days left I have before my exams. Hmmm that seem to occupy most of my mind nowadays. Alot of things become secondary ..... but there is One thing which will not remain secondary - it is God.

If u had read my previous posts, you will read about me mentioning about being haunted by the past. Yes I had made stupid choices and mistakes in the past. And many times I still allow the past to cling on to me, to hold me back from taking the plunge into the future, to take a risk in something worthwhile.

And He found me. He broke through all of my defences. He alone sees me for who I am. I am naked before Him with no masks or pretense. And yet He still loves me perfectly. This song brought tears to my eyes while I was stuck in the jam to the hospital. I felt loved again. I felt precious again. Yes I can do it. Because I am not alone. It does not matter what others or what I think of myself ... but He found me. He loved me enough to die for me. To be part of my world. Ok Jesus let's do this together.

Releasing your regrets

Releasing your regretsFebruary 14, 2006 - by Rick Warren
How often do you play the "If only" game in your relationships? If only I had it to do over ... If only I had listened sooner ... If only I could erase the past ... If only I could forgive myself.
Because no one is perfect, we all have regrets. We've made bad choices, said foolish things, wasted time, and hurt ourselves and others. How do you release your regrets?
We know of three strategies that don't work:

1. We bury them.
Burying the past doesn't work. Unresolved regrets come back to haunt us over and over, like creatures from a horror movie. Minimizing ("It wasn't a big deal"), rationalizing ("Everyone does it"), and compromising ("Settle for less") are ways we try to bury our regrets.

2. We blame others.
This tactic is as old as Adam and Eve. When Adam sinned, he took it like a man - he blamed his wife! We use blame to balance out our guilt.

3. We beat ourselves.
We try to pay for our guilt unconsciously through illness, depression, setting ourselves up for failure, and other forms of self-punishment. The problem with beating yourself is that your conscience never knows when to stop! Many spend their entire lives in self-condemnation.

So what does God want me to do with my regrets?
1. Admit guilt.
Own up to it. Don't make excuses. "A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance." (Proverbs 28:13 LB)

2. Accept Christ's forgiveness.
He's waiting to clean your slate. Ask him to clear your conscience. "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

3. Forgive yourself and focus on the future.
"The Lord says, 'Do not cling to the events or dwell on what happened long ago. Watch for the new thing I am going to do" (Isaiah 43:18-19)

This is something which I am still learning to do each day. Releasing my regrets and forgiving myself so that I can move on with life. Many times the past still holds on to us, not letting us go because we are not willing to let go of it. Many times it is the mind playing tricks on us, replaying the wrong choices we had made, the mistakes, the hurt, etc long after the event had passed. I had made that mistake over and over again. Letting the past haunt me.

Oh Lord, help me to forgive myself. Help me to live in the "now" and not in the past so that I can move on with life. So that I can be alive again. Amen

Tuesday, 14 February 2006

My Valentine Dinner

My Valentine Dinner ... yummy ... first open up a can of Campbell's Chicken and mushroom soup. Add in another can of water. Add in frozen mixed vegetables. Some roast pork. Put it all in a pot and heat it up till it is boiling and then turn down the fire so that it simmers..

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The finished product ... yummy
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The wholemeal bread to go with the Campbell soup
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Desert .. is mom's peach and longan cheese cake.... yummy .. oh yeah tons of calories but have I have not guilt coz I already did my exercises on my bike for about 20 mins .. so cheese cake ... here I come ...
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Finally this is my date for Valentine's Day ... my books ...

Love is

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Monday, 13 February 2006

Happy Valentine's Day

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Just wanna wish all out there who are lovers, husbands and wives, etc .. a Happy Valentine's Day. Well I will be spending Valentine's Day alone as usual. I wonder when I will ever find my other half ... the one who will complete me. :) In the meantime ... TIME TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST ... and also my books beacon me ....

Ok have a great time and guys ... this is a great day to propose ... :)

Sunday, 12 February 2006

The tragedy of restlessness

I stumbled upon this blog via Malaysian Medical Resources which is entitled "Around the tent" - a blog by an ENT specialist who blogs about his faith and his work.

He wrote about "The tragedy of restlessness" and I can really relate to it and I want to share it here... check it out here.

Lord may I learn to quiet my heart and mind to come to You for rest and strength to go on this journey that You had laid out before me. Amen.

Zonked out after my ICU post call

Totally zonked out after my ICU ( intensive care unit ) on call. When I am on call I stay in the hospital for 24 hours - 8 am till 8 am the next day. I reached home about about 1145 am as I had to passover to the guys who are on call today about the patients in ICU. I collapsed from 12 noon till 7 pm. I was thinking of getting up at about 4 or 5 pm to study. Oh well, I guess my body knows best before I abuse it too much with my sleep debt .. which I can never seem to be able to pay back.

Ok back to books .... after my bath. :)

Saturday, 11 February 2006

Be Magnified

Be Magnified

Verse 1
I have made You too small in my eyes
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You are unable to help me.
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song
Oh Lord, be magnified (bis)

Chorus:
Be magnified, Oh Lord
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can't do
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You
Be magnified,
Oh Lord, be magnified

Verse 2
I have leaned on a wisdom of men
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show yourself strong
And in my eyes and in my song
Oh Lord be magnified (bis)

Chorus x2

This song came to me early in the morning. The sleepless nights had started again. Started to panic again. Trying to recall what I had read. Trying to plan my time so that I can study as much as possible. I fixed my eyes on my situation and saw only a HUGE Mountain....then the still small voice ... "You are not alone, My Child... have you forgotten about Me? I am made strong in Your weakness. Let's face this mountain together" Immediately I was humbled again and peace floods my heart and yes many times I make God so small .... and lean on my own wisdom and my own limited resources when I fix my eyes on myself. Thank You Lord, for Your love ... You managed to blow me off my feet over and over again ..... Ok let's face this mountain together. I will keep trying and not give up because I am not alone. Oh Lord, may You be MAGNIFIED ....

Friday, 10 February 2006

My bro is flying back to UK

Today my bro will be flying back to UK. I feel bad that I was not able to spend more time with him. We managed to spend some time during Chinese New Year and he had to fly to Bangkok later to see his fiance. Now he is flying back to UK tonight.

We will be having dinner tonight. I got off work early so that I can beat the jam and reach my apartment on time so we can hang out. I am waiting for my family now ...

Time really flies and many times we dont learn to treasure those we love until it is too late .... I hope that I can finish my masters program on time and make more time for my family. Ok gonna hit the books while waiting for my family ...

Wednesday, 8 February 2006

Tagged for the 4s

Tagged for the 4s.

Hmmm I got tagged by dDoinkster and here goes ...

4 Jobs I've Had In My Life

Hallelujah Restaurant as waiter (After Form 5)
Waiter at my uncle Fast Food joint in USA when I was waiting to do Grade 12 at Canada
Houseman at Klang Hospital
Medical Officer currently doing masters program

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over

Lord of the Rings EXTENDED VERSION !!!
Aliens - especially Aliens Part 2
Indiana Jones
Finding Nemo

4 TV Shows I Have Love(d) To Watch

Lost
Alias
Charmed
Survivor

4 Places I've Lived

Johor Bahru
Gutherie Estate
Bukit Blossom, Seremban
USJ

4 Places I've Been On Vacation To

India
Canada
Lake Toba, Indonesia
Bangkok, Thailand

4 Places I Would Rather Love To Be In

Medicine Hat, Canada
Bangkok, Thailand
Kerala, India
My home :)

4 Of My Favourite Foods

Satay ... yummy
Unagi Sushi
Asian Laksa
Thai Fried Rice at Secret Recipe

4 Websites I Visit Daily

sbanboy ( my blog loh )
chen
beingmalaysian
jimbo


4 Unfortunate Souls Tagged

g3ewhiz
beingmalaysian
carcar
cynthia

Have fun. :)

Tuesday, 7 February 2006

Just had my dinner at 430 am...

I am on Intensive Care Unit call today. It is 430 am in the morning and I just kinda had my dinner ... cold water with some jam tart donated to me by some kind staff nurse. I had been working non stop since I step foot into ICU at 8 am on 6/2/2006. I had just inserted a double lumen at the femoral vein of an obese patient ( about 120 kg ) who is planned for haemodialysis due to no urine output. Earlier on I had gone to neuro ICU to intubate a patient was not doing very well ... was drowsy and the arterial blood gas was not that great and the conscious level was going down. Took some time to get intravenous access for the patient as she was already swollen all over and there already lots of puncture marks due to her prolong stay in Neuro Ward. She had an intraventricular bleed (bleed in the brain) leading to hydrocephalus (swollen head/brain in layman terms) which needed drainage.

Well I am still up ... coz there is a patient who is not very stable and she need 3 types of medication to support the heart... Well the funny part is ... is that I think I got back the joy of working again. I am super tired and busy but there is a smile on my face coz I know that I am making a difference for these patient and I thank God for opening doors for me to touch other lives.

I am more motivated for my studies again. I just want to thank all those who had been praying for me and it help alot.... like a wall or a screen or a blind was lifted off my eyes/spirit. I am praying that God will help me to maintain my focus so that I can persevere. Work is so exhausting but in order to improve myself further and to give better care for the patients, I must make time to study so that I can pass my exams. Yup one step at a time ... ok gotta go and see my patients. Cya.

Saturday, 4 February 2006

Back to USJ tomorrow

Time really flies. Just got back from having dinner at friend's house. I did not do much during this holiday though I am surprised that I managed to get some studying done.... all I can think about is my upcoming exams. When I get up, when I sleep and I feel guilty doing anything else ... but I am not able to do as much as I would like to. I guess most important is that I must just persevere and be persistent and not give in to the old demons which used to haunt me last time (despair, depression, hopelessness, distraction and loneliness). I am praying for strength and I know that there are those who are keeping me in prayers..... really need it.

Yes it is worth while pursuing this masters program. I had thought of quiting before. But I had sat down and thought over it and yes this is what I want to do and I will not give up so easily.

Oh Lord, please help me to remain focused ... I know that there is alot to cover but I know that all wisdom and understanding comes from You alone. So Lord, You are my source, my everything and come on let's face this together ... amen ...

Ok good night .. time to hit the books again.

Another thing which had been on my mind is my failing health ... actually I feel tired all the time and my expanding waistline is not helping much ... Duh. I will try to join a gym tomorrow when I get back to USJ after church ... and try it out.

Friday, 3 February 2006

Lost my way again

Am messed up.....lost my way again.... :(

T shirt, shorts and slippers

Geram nya. I wanted to buy a sparepart for an OSIM product which I bought earlier. I went in the morning to the OSIM branch at 1st floor Jusco Seremban2... the sales girl totally ignored me. I was dressed in my t-shirt,shorts and slippers ..duh ... anyway I went to the OSIM branch downstairs in Jusco and the sales girl there was really nice. I did not buy it yet.

Anyway I went again in the evening with friends for dinner in Jusco Seremban 2 and I decided to buy the sparepart. I was again in my t-shirt, shorts and slippers .... I went to the OSIM shop at first floor, there were 2 sales personnel there ... I waited for 15 mins and was ignored again ! So I told one of the staff off and stormed out. Bought the sparepart downstairs and complained about the staff upstairs ... grrrrr

Well the manager called me to apologize and he will also deal with the staff upstairs.

Nowadays some people just look at the external appearance .... duh .... it happened to a few of my friends before ...

Today the radio was also talking about the same thing..... any comments

Thursday, 2 February 2006

My bro's engagement

My brother will be getting married this coming November 25th .... I am so happy and proud of him. Finally of my siblings is getting married.... :) I thought that I will share some pictures that I took when he was having his engagement in Bangkok last year.
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Family picture
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The couple with my family
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Picture with parents
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Picture with my sister in law's parents

Well my brother will be getting married in November .... how time flies ... I really must start saving up ... and I really pray that I will be able to pass my exams in May ... or else another attempt in Nov. By hook or by crook, I will be there at my bro's wedding. :)

Hmm I wonder when my sister and I will find our other halves .... well in due time I suppose.