Thursday, 29 September 2005

Renewed Hope

God can turn a hopeless situation into an occasion to glorify Him..... I think I have woken up from my slumber ... I mean I now have renewed hope to do this masters course .... I am sick of the defeated attitude .... I am reminded that I cant do anything apart from Him ... therefore I now go in His strength .... to take up the challenge ...

What a wonderful God I serve ....... I am not alone in this journey ..... He is with me ...

Monday, 26 September 2005

A reminder to me

The past few weeks I was really depressed... my studies ... myself ....I reminded again about who I am .... yes God reminded me again who I really am.

I was feeling bad that as a Christian .. I was being so negative regarding my coming exams ... not sat for it yet and I have already pictured the worst scenario ... duh

Then one morning ... just last week ... as I got up in the morning panicking about the amount of stuffs I need to dump into my tiny brain for the coming exams ... I have no problem with essays and MCQs ... it is the Viva session that always get me tongue tied ... oh how I hated vivas .... really feel so dumb when I can answer something .... by the way my exams are in the first week of November and my mock exams are this coming 2 weekends ....

So this is what God reminded me ... that I was His beloved ... that first of all .. I am a Christian .... not a son, not a doctor or a masters student .... yes first and foremost I am a Christian and I bear the hope and light of Jesus and love of Jesus which will bring hope where there is despair and hopelessness and to bring light where there is darkness.... and to touch lives for Him .. to let the others know that He came to die for us when we rejected and did not love Him .. Yes I was reminded again. And I repented that day in the morning for all the negatives thoughts that I allowed to take root in my mind and life ... I repented and asked for His forgiveness ... that I will be a good testimony ... yes that I will be an ambassador of Christ ... yes because of Him .. I will not give up ... because of Him . I will do my best .. not worrying about the end results but just to do my best as unto Him because I love Him ... because He is my life ... because He is Only reason why I am still alive ... yes I am reminded again of how He came into my life and swept me off my feet ... I am reminded again ... Yes Lord ... I remember again .... yes I remember who I really am .... I am Your beloved .... Amen.... Thank You Jesus


I will offer up sacrifices of praises to You ... yes I will not offer up anything which will not cost me..... I will continue to thank You for all that You have done ... yes to praise and thank You in all situations ...

I was reminded at how gentle Jesus is ... I remember the story of the lost sheep and the shepherd. Sheep are prone to wander and usually the shepherd will wait till the sheep is exhausted to trying to survive on its own, then and only then he will seek that wayward sheep and when he finds that sheep ... it will be so helpless and exhausted that it will not offer any resistance when the shepherd carries the sheep around his neck .... yes only when we hit rock bottom .. God comes and gently carry us again until we are strong again...for as long as there is a morsel of self reliance and strength left in us, we will still want to do things our way and live the way we want to ....


Ok now I gotta go take my bath and study... I am on call tomorrow and I will have to present my dissertation to my profs on Wednesday morning ... hope I wont fall asleep while presenting as I usually get really bad calls .....

I love You Jesus ....

As the exams draw nearer

As the exams draw nearer .... God draws nearer... as I cling onto Him for dear life... He is my peace.... Amen.....

Wednesday, 21 September 2005

Today is my sister's birthday...


Today is my sister's birthday ... time really flies ....

This picture was taken when we were in Bangkok for my brother's engagement early this year. My sis has lost alot of weight since she started swimming. And she is also a licensed scuba diver now ... she will be going to Phuket on a yacht for 3 days to go scuba diving with a bunch of divers ..about 15 of them ... I wish I could I could join...anyway after my masters I want to do all the things that I had wanted to do ... like getting my scuba diving license .... visit my bro in UK .. visit my buddies in India.... etc ...Godwilling I will be able to do all that He has laid in my heart ...

Tuesday, 20 September 2005

A new day ....


A brand new day .... a good rest really did me good ... refreshed.... I am still in the midst of my intensive course and my mock exams will be in another 2 weekends time ... which I am not prepared at all....the easy way out if to defer the exams ... nay I will still go ahead and do my best ... never know what might happen ... it is a learning experience ...

My previous boss .. sent me a sms which I will not forget ... Doing masters is not just about gaining knowledge .. it is also about how you handle stress and panic and be a good doctor ..... how true ... yes there is always renewed hope and joy in the morning ... thank You Jesus ....

Sunday, 18 September 2005

Depressed ......




Feeling depressed ... hmmmm .. exams make me depressed because I feel that I am not doing enough and that I am so inadequate......

I went home this weekend back to Seremban to see my parents and also to celebrate my sister's birthday ... oh how time flies ....It was really great to be home. It was also great to be able to go to church and fellowship.


But this is how I am feeling now ... did a search on the internet regarding depression and these where the few images that I managed to get from the new ...how to overcome depression and a sense of hopelessness ????

Actually I am really frustrated with myself for not doing what I should do. I should be really studying like crazy now ...but this weekend I did not even touch my books. I just chilled out ... konon-nya to destress by playing some computer games which I had not touched for ages... felt good but in the end felt guilty for not studying ... what a viscious cycle. I remember my brother used to tell me ... when you are stuck in a situation like this ... all u can do it just go continue doing it ... even if you feel numb ... I mean to just continue to study no matter how you feel or what the odds are ....
Been having my intensive course these 2 weeks and I really feel down as I was comparing myself with the others in the course who really give verbal "diarrhea" ..... I mean they were able to spill out facts like a stream while I struggled to even utter a word..... maybe this added to my depression and my sense of inferiority complex....


In the end I found the answer .... it is to know who I am in Christ and to move on and not lose hope even when there seems to be no hope..... well the worst thing that can happen is that I will fail my exams this Nov and sit for it again next year in May a2006 ... in the meantime ... life goes on and on ... waiting for no man.... oh God may I learn to be good steward of the time that You have given me.

Tuesday, 13 September 2005

No other One .....

No Other One - By Rachael Lampa

Rachael Lampa/Tommy Sims

V.1
Sing to me beauty let Your voice lead the way
And in Your words I'll find the things I could not say
Oh how I've longed to write a love song just for You
But on my own I've found it's just another thing I couldn't do

Whisper the reason when the sun just hides away
How do the seasons know exactly when to change
Who on earth could find a language or a line
Or count the ways to best describe the beauty found in Your design?

CHORUS
No other one - There is just no other like You
No other one – There is no one else but You
It's in the way You will the wind to calm the ocean
That's who You are to me
There could never be, another one

V.2
So amazing kind of crazy but it's true
That my affection is obsession when it comes to You
And let me say as I am falling on my face
That I am lacking better words but I just write them anyway

CHORUS
No other one - There is just no other like You
No other one – Lord there is no one else but You
It's in the way You will the wind to calm the ocean
That's who You are to me; it's all I'll ever need
It's so clear to me, there could never be, another one


I came across this song as I was browsing a blog and this song brought tears to my eyes again .... I was reminded again ... that there is No other One ... but Jesus ... Who deserves my worship and adoration ... the One Who deserves all of me ....

I have been busy with my work and studies until I had become cold .... I am reminded again as Christ sets my heart aflame with passion for Him .... yes I will follow hard after Him for there is not other way to live than to do the will of Him Who had captivated my heart over and over again. Yes I cant live a day without Him...

Oh I am so prone to drift away and hurt Him ...but He is such a patient and gentle God ....yes He will never let me go .... Oh Lord ... please be the God of all of me .... here is my heart and life and dreams and ambitions and I lay at the altar as a sacrifice to You .... come live in me and sit on the throne of my life ... Amen ... I love You Jesus .....

Saturday, 10 September 2005

On call again

I guess this is my life for now ... on call , post call, collapse, study , panic attacks, prayers , on call, post call, collapse and the cycle goes on and on. Well as the day draws nearer to my exams ... I decided in order to keep my sanity to do all that I can now and leave the rest in God's hands. I wasted too much time thinking that I can't do this masters program and that I dont have the brains for it .... duh ... lame excuse for procrastination and laziness to the max ... well no point crying over spilled milk ... life goes on ... the worst thing that can happen is that I fail my exams in Nov and re-sit for the exams next year in May 2006. But as I worked more in GHKL ... all the more I am determined that I am gonna be a specialist by year 2008 .... I like what I do and I want to learn to give safe anaesthesia for my patients and also to pick up ICU management as I have been inspired by my 2 ICU consultants in ICU ... well never know after I finish my masters I might stupidly sign up for more exams to be an intensivist or maybe chronic pain management. Actually I am really interested in regional anaesthesia as I can see that patients with poor health and with the proper technique of regional anaesthesia .. they are actually stable during the operation. The best part is when they dont even know that the operation is over and you see a smile on their face and sigh of relief that they are still alive .....

Yes life is precious .... and this is the one thing that I always take for granted ... may I learn to treasure what is important in life and learn to smell the roses along the way ....

Dear Jesus .. let's continue this journey called Life together till I meet You face to face ...

Friday, 9 September 2005

Blogging via my T5

My first blog via my T5 using wifi in my department... I used moblog to post this ....

Wednesday, 7 September 2005

Exhausted and bored

A line or two just before I log off ... feel down.... maybe I am just exhausted ... my studies had been down the drain since I started work in GHKL .... yeah I guess I am exhausted. I get depressed when I am not studying as much as I should and there times I just dont want to touch my books and there are times I get so distracted so easily. I like what I do ... I like my work but I am so zonked out after work that whenever I open my books I fall asleep .... so I am trying all sorts of ways to keep myself awake ... well people tell me to exercise ... hmmm maybe I should consider that. I get up at 530 am to go to work to beat the jam and I get home sometimes only late at night as I am trying to get some studying down in the hospital to avoid the jam on the way back as there were times I was stuck in the jam for 2 hours .....

Maybe I am just not disciplined or focussed .... tiredness is an excuse .... yes it is .. I need to pull myself together and get through these 4 years of masters .... yes I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me ... Amen....

Tuesday, 6 September 2005

On call

Taking a short break... either I am jonah or the surgeon is jonah. Had been non stop since morning and I still stuck in OT. Trying to read about statistics as I will be seeing my supervisor in HUKM tomorrow and I am still seeing stars in statistics as I need to prepare my proposal. Oh well another 11 hours to go ... and counting .....

Monday, 5 September 2005

Finally made the switch

Decided to make the switch to Digi today after much thought. It was a pleasant time at the Digi centre and I walked away with a free notebook and pens given to me in secret.... Well I am suspending my Maxis line for now and see how this Digi line goes .. if it is within my budget I will be cancelling my Maxis line...... those who know me can just drop me a line and I will buzz u the new no.... if I have missed u out...

Cya... time to hit the books.. Am on call in Neuro OT tomorrow....

Still recovering

Thought I will drop a line or two before I doze off. Post call was just spent recovering ... cough cough .. I must be getting old .... yeah I can feel the drain in my body nowadays. Doing masters is not easy .... work and studying at the same is really taxing ... and I have been so rusty after finishing my undergrad. Really need to be more disciplined and more focussed .. praying for strength and perseverance.


Me and my bro in Christ pigging out at Genting Highlands many years ago...

A true friend is really hard to find nowadays in this day and age and everyone is always in a hurry and is caught up in his/her own life. I treasure the good friends that God had given to me all these years. It is not easy to make good and lasting friends nowadays.





MAXIS OUT , DIGI IN ?????

Well I am contemplating whether I should stop my Maxis line and switch over the Digi as Maxis has stopped giving rebates for credit card payments and for calls above 150 bucks therefore I lost out on about 20 bucks of rebates. And Maxis charge in 30 seconds blocks.

Well the Digi promotion is really tempting and the best part is that I will get 10 bucks off rebate for autopay with my credit card. I think the Digi services have improved alot. I have been trying out their prepaid package but due to my work and also my itchy sms fingers I need a post paid line which will work out to be cheaper in the long run. And Digi charge in 12 seconds blocks which will work out to be cheaper when u make phone calls.

I has a friend who reported 50 % savings when he switched from Maxis to Digi.... well I guess I might as well take the bait ... hehe ....


Ok good night .... cant even open my eyes and tomorrow I will be doing cases in Neuro OT and I will be on call in Neuro on Tues and on Thursday I will have to present my proposal to my profs in HUKM ... keeping my fingers crossed .... am seeing stars in statistics ... duh ..... By God's grace and alot of prayers and hard work ... I can do it ... Amen

Saturday, 3 September 2005

On call today

I am on call today in General OT. Just managed to do one case from 9 am till 4 pm !!!!!! And my list is still long ..... the surgeon took forever and there was a missing gauze count and it was a laparotomy. We had to use I&I and also the abdomen X Ray .. thank God in the end we found the gauze hiding underneath the draping .... looking for the gauze alone took 2 hours !!!!! At the rate I am going I guess it gonna be a long long day ahead for me ... duh.....

Oh well am waiting for another laparotomy with anastomotic leak and the patient has a mediastinal mass...... well I am known to be "jonah" but I am a happy 'jonah" coz I know that I am not alone as Jesus is with me every step of the way ..... will blog more when I have time today ....

Friday, 2 September 2005

Phew nearly had to change my Palm T5 again ....

Picture of my family. My brother's supervisor. My to be sister in law is also a Phd holder. My beloved parents and my sister. I could not go as I was just started my posting in GHKL and my leave will not be approved ...


PS: My parents in UK during my brother's Phd graduation in June 2005

MY Palm T5 STORY

I have already got my T5 replaced twice ..... in August. I sent in my T5 coz of the digitizer problem and I got a replacement unit which keeps resetting itself after I install the new update patch and so I got another replacement unit which I just received in 1st August a day after Merdeka eventhough my T5 was happily sitting in the DHL office in KL by midnight of 30 August as DHL was not opened on Merdeka day . bummer .... so I got this replacement unit and I was really excited and hoped that it was the end of my woes ... but lo and behold .... after the update patch ... I cant open my native Microsoft Office files via Documents to go from the internal memory and my SD card !!!!!!!!! It kept giving me the translation error message and I did not even hotsync my T5 yet and it was driving me nuts.... emailed and called Palm again and they were really nice and as usual a bunch of instructions to carry out and since I was in Neuro OT the phone line was really bad on my Maxis and I kept getting cut off. Oh well by mistake I found out the Doc2go can read the files when my SD card was not inserted and I came to the conclusion that my SD was corrupted ????? So I told the plunge and formatted my SD card and voila my T5 can read all the files already ... haha ... am keeping my fingers crossed and hopefully it will be the end of me bugging Palm for a replacement unit ... haha ... what an experience ...

Thursday, 1 September 2005

Another trying day in GHKL


Just got home from GHKL. Was doing cases in Neuro OT today. Just completed my ICU one month posting and it was so exhausting that I was sleeping on Merdeka Day. Can u imagine that ??? Haha ..... But I really enjoyed my ICU posting ... the consultants are really committed to their work and they are amazing !!!!!.

Right now I am back in the General OT pool again. My intensive course is from Sep 12 till 23. My exams are in Nov 2005 which I am not prepared at all ... anyway I will just go my best and see what happens. The spirit is willing but the body is weak. GHKL is tiring but I am learning so much there and my passion for anaesthesia is growing again and yes I do enjoy doing anaesthesia and I thank God for the opportunity to do masters in order to progress further.

Ok gonna sign off now. Am on call this Saturday.....

Photo : my family.... during Chinese New Year 2005