Thursday, 27 March 2014

2 years from 2012 ...


Been awhile since I wrote in this blog ... a lot of people were migrating to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram ... etc ... somehow the blogs have kinda become redundant ... especially in my circle of friends.  There were some blogs still active .... after some encouragement from friends, strangers who read my blog anonymously who sent me personal emails ...

I wrote because it was therapeutic and it helped me to count my blessings ...helped me to refocus..it is journalling for me.. I do read my previous posts to gain insight and to be reminded of how far I have come in this journey.

The past 2 years .... many things have happened ... the most significant was coming to terms with who I am ... finally learning to accept myself .. the good and the bad ... yin and yang .... joy and sadness .... in everything there must be a balance ... and for once I am say that I am starting to like myself a bit more each day. The tone of this blog might not be the same as when I first started however my heart still burns strongly and am still madly and fiercely in love with Christ Jesus Who first sweep me off my feet in 1988.

I learned to laugh at myself a bit more ... learned to let go and keep moving on with life.  And the journey goes on....


Friday, 4 May 2012

Your Love Goes On - Abandon

How awesome is God's love.... He knows just how to soften this hardened heart.... He just knows what to do to woo me back and make me fall head over heels for Him over and over again.  I had drifted away .... lost and empty .... seeking for love and acceptance in things which are tangible but does not last. The lyrics is my heart's cry..... thank you, Jesus that Your love goes on and on and You will never let me go!



Your Love Goes On - Abandon
 
I’m like everyone living in a quick fix nation
Chasing this American dream (oh, oh)
I’m way too busy always looking for the next fixation
But nothing ever seems to satisfy me (no,no)

Cause I’m still lost and empty
And I’m still numb I can’t see

That you're desperate, you're desperate to be near me
And you’ve been here, you’ve been here all along
Still I push you away but you stay
Because your love goes on, your love goes on
And you would follow me a million miles
And a million times you saved my life
Cause you're desperate, you're desperate to show me
That your love goes on, your love goes on

I remember when there was nothing between us
And I believed with all I had, yeah
You held my hand when I was lost
You showed me love at any cost

Cause you're desperate, you're desperate to be near me
And you’ve been here, you’ve been here all along
Still I push you away but you stay
Because your love goes on, your love goes on
And you would follow me a million miles
And a million times you saved my life
Cause you're desperate, you're desperate to show me
That your love goes on, your love goes on

Oh your love goes on
God help me right what I got wrong

Cause I’m desperate, I’m desperate to be near you
And you’ve been here, you’ve been here all along
Everyday you’re the same because your love goes on, your love goes on
And you would follow me a million miles
And a million times you saved my life
Cause you're desperate, you're desperate to show me
That your love goes on, your love goes on

Thursday, 24 November 2011

What doesn't kill you .... Kelly Clarkson



video



What doesn't kill you sung by Kelly Clarkson...

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in colour
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
But told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You tried to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not a broken hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone


Kelly Clarkson just released her latest album - Stronger ... the songs show that she is back and she is gonna rock it !!! This song is on repeat and I really like the lyrics.... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger !!! Come what may .. I will pick myself up and keep moving on and be stronger from all the experiences in my life ... and it doesn't mean that I am lonely when I am alone.

Monday, 17 October 2011

Soon I will be 40 ......

I will be hitting 40 end of this month .... a lot physiological changes in my body ... I need reading glasses now ... started to have joint pains ... I can finally identify with my parents ... I learned to be more patient and slow down a bit. My driving is in a more "zen" like state now since I bought my Honda Insight a couple of months back.... I learned to give in a bit more when people cut in the "q" ... at least now I am paying less for petrol ... now it amounts to 9 cents per kilometer... roughly about 20-21 km /L of RON 95 petrol. And I bought a white car which taught me ... to stop focusing on the stone chips from the highway or the tiny black spots when I inspect my car closely ... but when I look from far ... I realized that it is still a brilliant white car.... hence I learned to look more at the goodness of others instead of concentrating on the negative aspects.

And more and more I am reminded that life is short .. just recently ... one of my specialist was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. And today one of my friend's brother in law was suffered a stroke with intra cranial bleed ... scheduled for a craniotomy. Recently been getting chest pains again .... and it always reminds me how fragile life is .... and Steve Jobs died !!!!! So now I remind myself to live life to the fullness with no regrets.

So I guess I will be back to update my blog once a while.... so come walk this journey with me. Cheers!

Monday, 11 April 2011

Life is short

It saddens my heart that one of my favorite anaesthetic specialist who is also a good friend, Dr Maslina passed away today after being diagnosed with choriocarcinoma after one month. She was about my age and leaves behind a 2 year child and her husband. Life is like that full of surprises ..some good ... some bad.....it is a wake up call for me ... I make plans for 5 years .. 10 years .... but I cannot predict the future .. I might not be around tomorrow. I need to spend more time with my loved ones and dear friends and start living life with no regrets....break free from the protective defenses that I have built up by being a hermit... and just love ... live .... like there is no tomorrow.

I think it is time I change my 10 year old car and start traveling next year to see the world because time waits for no man. And life is precious and worth living. I must learn to treasure every second that God has given me.

Thursday, 31 March 2011

A long overdue post before I take a break.....

Before I finally take my break from this blog .... I want to put up this post as it has been long overdue. Last year in November 2010, I had the privilege of helping out as a medical classifier for the Malaysian National Paralympics.

Sometimes we go thinking we can help them out but in the end they were the ones who helped us out ... with regards to how we see live. That was what happened ... these guys taught me how precious life was and that we need to treasure what we have .... we don't know how good we have it until we lost it. Some of these guys had lost their limbs due to accidents, some congenital, some negligence .... but all of these guys did not allow their handicap to cripple them from living life to the fullest. I for one.... was always looking for something to fill me up ... something to live for .... and these guys taught and made me realized how blessed I was. So in the end they were the ones who picked me up and help me and encouraged me to keep moving on in this journey called LIFE.

Just to share some photos ... I have a lot more ... but will only have time to do so in June... will be busy these next 2 months preparing for my exams.... I hope my last exams... coz my grey cells are dying real fast and my aging heart cannot take anymore stress ... and the sleepless night are bringing more wrinkles to my face :P

So once again .. I bid you guys good bye... and those who I do have contacts in Facebook or who have contacted me via emails etc ... Godwilling .. one day we will meet up and fellowship.

Take care.











Thursday, 24 March 2011

It is time to say good bye for now


Thanks for reading my blog.... but for now ... I think it is time to say good bye....until I am ready to share my life again. A lot of things had happened in my life .... I am glad that I finally found a wonderful church to go to now.... at least there is fellowship. Maybe one day I will be back or maybe this will be just a memory in my life.

No matter what happens ... I wish you guys all the best and life is meant to be lived to the fullest because it is so fragile and short. Most important never forget to love yourself ... coz if you don't love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else.

So I bid you all good bye.

Monday, 7 March 2011

Worthy - Sandi Patty


What a lovely song from Sandi Patty. It is amazing how God sees me ..with all the self hatred & low self esteem & the feeling that I am not worthy & that I am never good enough..with all the labels that I slap upon myself...He tells me that I am worthy & how He adores me. I am once again smitten by Him and reminded of His unconditional love for me. Yes I am worthy.... I am lovely in His eyes.